Coming Home
by Ezika
Summary: YAY!!! I finally finished it! This is the 15th and final chapter. Please review.
1. Part 1

Coming Home (part 1)  
  
The phone rang shrilly in the empty apartment, a total of six rings before the answer machine came on.   
  
"Hi, this is Ross. Um, call me okay? The number's 1-458-238-0128. Bye."  
  
Chandler was only half listening to his messages as he flicked through the TV guide. The first was from his work, telling him a report was due. Chandler glanced at it where it lay barely started on the kitchen table. He looked up when he heard Ross's familiar voice. He played the message again, then a third time.  
  
Chandler hadn't spoken to Ross or any of the gang for five years. Something serious must have happenedto make ross call him out of the blue like this. Chandler wondered what was wrong. He knew Ross was as stubborn as his sister, and wouldn't have called him unless he had no choice.  
  
Chandler listened messgae again, the he dialed the number. Rachel answered. Chandler raised his eyesbrows when he heard her voice. When he had left New York, Ross and Rachel had still been playing around, almost taking turns to love each other. But obviously things had changed.  
  
"Hi Rach, its Chandler," he said, not sure how to act.  
  
"Hi. did Ross call you?" she asked, sounding as awkward as he felt.  
  
"Um, yeah, is he there?"  
  
"Yeah, I'll just go get him." Rachel disappeared and a few minutes later, Ross came on the line.  
  
"Hi, he said. Chandler recognised the 'down' tone in Ross's voice, like when he was depressed, usually over the sorry state of his love life.  
  
"So, um, whats up?" chandler asked.  
  
"Richard kind of died."  
  
"Kind of?"  
  
"okay, so he's dead dead."  
  
"R, r, Richard's dead?" Chandler asjed. He tried not to be happy. Someone's dad, grandad. Husband. Had died. He shouldn't be happy, yet he couldn't help a hint of happiness creaping into his voice.  
  
"Yeah. Heart attack," Ross said shortly. There was a silence, lasting just a few seconds.  
  
"How's Monica?" Chandler asked nervously.  
  
"She's...coping. I mean, she's really upset, obviously. But she'll be okay. In time."  
  
"So why are you calling me?" Chandler asked.  
  
"Monica asked me to. she said you might like to know, but she wouldn't call you herself," Ross said. Chandler could tell he thought Monica was being stupid, but had done as she asked because shewas his little sister, and because she had just become a widow.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"I think she didn't want you to feel like you had to look after her or anything."  
  
"Look, you called me. Do you think I should come back to New York?"  
  
"I think Monica could do with someone who loves her. But not if you don't want to come. Dont' feel obligated to. But I think she really wants you to be here," Ross said carefully. he didn't want Chandler to come to New York. He wanted to look after Monica himself, with Rachel, Phoebe and Joey. They didn't need Chandler's help.  
  
"I'll think about it," Chandler promised.  
  
"Okay, thanks man," ross said.  
  
"Hey, where do you guys live these days, in case I do decide to come?" Ross gave him an address, not too far from where they used ot live, which Chandler scribbled down.  
  
After he hung up, Chandler started packing a bag. He had deliberatly not sounded to sure when he was talking to Ross, in case he chickened out in the end, but he knew he couldn't stay in Ottowa when Monica was upset. It had been five years since he had last seen her, but that didn't mean he wouldn't jump at the chance to see her again.   
  
When she had run away, claiming she needed to think, he had decided not to force her to chose between him and Richard. He would try and be the bigger man for once, and not make it too hard for her. She obviously wanted to pick Richard, or else she wouldn't have needed to think about it for long, after all, she had been dating Chandler at the time, Richard had just turned up, and suddenly, everything had changed. That must mean she still had feelings for Richard, so he had got out of New York as fast as he could, not even stopping to go into his apartment for clothes or anything. He just wanted to get the hell out of there and try and forget all about Monica Geller. But over the last five years he hadlearned painfully that he couldnt' forget her. Everything about her, from the way she tossed her hair to the way she smelt. From the way she smiled when they made love, to the way she always brought him down to earth when he took a joke too far. Everything was still as clear now as it was back then. He didn't think he would ever forget.  
  
Chandler boarded the plane at 9pm. It was the day after Ross had called, and he was on the first flight he had been able to get. He felt a sense of fear, at going home. When he left New York, he had taken the cowards way out, but that had been so long ago, he didn't know any other way to deal with it. And in an hour and a half, he would be back in New York, having to face everything he had run away from.  
  
He sat on the plane, listening to his disc-man, deliberately playing happy, up-beat songs, which didn't remind him of Monica. But somehow, he managed to find something that reminded him of her in every single song. He annoyed the people on either side of him by constantly twitching nervously and shuffling in his seat. They were all very grateful when they landed in New York and they could finally get rid of him.  
  
Chandler however, didnt' want to get off at all. He had realised as the plane landed that coming back to New York was possibly the stupidest thing he could have done. He knew he could just get a flight back to Ottowa, since no one knew he was there, but he didn't want to do that either. That would be even more cowardly than going to Ottowa in the first place had been. Besides, he did want to see Monica. That was the only reason he got off the plane at all, just as it had been the only reason he'd got on it.  
  
He managed to get a taxi to Ross's apartment, but waited around for ages in the lobby, unsure of whether to go up or not. Did he really want to do that now? But he soon realised he had no choice. He couldn't stay here all night, it was eleven o'clock now. He was spared from making a descision in the end, because a woman came out of her apartment and gave him a funny look.  
  
"If you're still there in five minutes, i'm calling the cops," she said. Chandler could understand her fear. In New York, you were automatically suspicious of everyone, especially people who loitered around outside your apartment. Chandler hurried away, up the stairs, hearing the woman shout something after him, but not really paying attention. He reached the front door of Ross's apartment, but couldn't work up the courage to knock. He thought he was being rude, just turning up here, without calling, with an overnight bag, but he had no choice, if he loitered here much longer, he would get shouted at by someone else.  
  
"Bye!" he heard a familiar voice shout from inside the apartment. He back away from the door, considering running away. He had known he couldnt' just walk back into his old life as if nothing had happened, but he hadn't thought it would be this hard. The door opened and Phoebe apeared. Chandler hid behind a pizza box that someone had left lying in the hallway, but of course, it didn't fool Phoebe for a second. She pulled it away from his face and blinked hard when she saw him.  
  
"Chandler?" she asked quietly, wondering if she was hallucinating.  
  
"No," he said.  
  
"Chandler! Its Chandler!" she shouted. "Chandler's home!"  
  
Within five seconds, Ross, Joey and Rachel had all gathered in the hallway to greet their old friend. Chandler had been afraid they would treat him differently, but joey broke the ice by hugging him hard.  
  
"I really missed you man. Ross is no fun!" he said. Ross groaned.  
  
"He just doesnt' find my rock theories interesting," he explained, as he too hugged Chandler.  
  
"Does anyone?" Rachel asked. Ross shot her a loving look, and pushed her gently. "Missed you like hell Chandler," she said, ignoring Ross and hugging Chandler. Phoebe followed suit.   
  
"So, where are you staying tonight?" Ross asked.  
  
"Sweetie, he can stay with us," Rachel said.  
  
"What about..?" Ross said in an undertone, nodding into the open doorway of the apartment.  
  
"Oh! Well, i'm sure Joey'll be happy to have you," Rachel said cheerfully.  
  
"Guys, whats going on?" Chandler asked suspiciously.  
  
"nothing, its just Monica's staying with them," Phoebe said, then clapped her hand over her mouth, like she had said something she shouldn't.  
  
"Mon, Monica's here?" Chandler asked quietly. Ross nodded.  
  
"Sorry man, I'd lovefor you to stay here normally, its just, she is my sister. But you can stay with joey, right Joe?" Ross said.  
  
"Sure, I still have the chick and the duck!" joey said. But the chick hasn't moved for a long time. I think they missed you."  
  
"The chick's dead," Rachel whispered. "But none of us have had the heart to tell him yet." Chandler sighed and suppressed a laugh.  
  
"Well, can I see her?" he asked shyly.  
  
"Yasmine? Sure!" joey said enthusiastically.  
  
"I think he means Monica honey," Phoebe said quietly. chandler nodded. None of the others would look at him or answer.  
  
"For God's sake!" Chandler muttered. He brushed past them all and went into the apartment. Ross reached out a hand to stop him, but Phoebe held Ross back, letting Chandler go. "Monica? Mon? Monica?" he called. She wasn't in the livingroom, and a quick search told him she wasn't in the kitchen either. "Mon?" he called again. He approached the three doors he assumed were the bedrooms, and bathroom, but he didnt' dare open them, he didn't want to invade her privacy. But he didn't have to wait for long. One of the doors opened and Moncia emerged.  
  
"Hi," she said softly.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
I know this part was short, but hopefully the rest will be longer. Please review.  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	2. Part 2

Coming Home (part 2)  
  
"Hey," Chandler said, also speaking softly.  
  
"Mon, are you okay?" Rachel asked from the doorway.  
  
"Yeah. Look, I know its your apartment, but could you just give us a few minutes please?" Monica said. The others all nodded and went out into the hallway, closing the door.  
  
"Ten bucks says they're listening in right now," chandler joked. Monica smiled weakly.  
  
"Guys! Please," she called. There was some shuffling outside the door, which they took to mean the others had finally given them some privacy. Chandler scuffed his toe childishly. He had dreamt about this moment many times, but now he didnt' know what to say. The circumstances made it even harder.  
  
"You came back," Monica said quietly. He nodded.  
  
"Yep," he said stupidly.  
  
"I suppose you heard about Richard, is that why you came back?" she asked. Again, he nodded.   
  
"Ross seemed to think you wanted me to. But hey, if you don't, I'm sure I can get a plane out to Ottowa tomorrow, and we can forget we ever met again," he said.  
  
"Don't do that," Monica said quickly. "I mean, unless you want to," she added uncertainly.  
  
"I don't want to do that," Chandler said. Monica smiled at him. She thought he was as cute as ever, just a little older, and she was suddenly very aware that she was wearing sweat pants and a baggy T-shirt, with her hair in a messy ponytail and no make-up.   
  
"Chandler, why did you come?" she asked, running her hand through her hair, unconciously trying to fix it.  
  
"Ross said you needed me," he said.  
  
"He didn't try and put you off coming?"  
  
"He just said that I should only come if I wanted to. Not to feel like I had to," Chandler said, thinking about it. "Why wouldn't he want me here?"  
  
Monica sighed. She had known she would have to be the one to explain why Ross hated the guy who had once been his best friend. "You know how protective Ross is of me. He was never wild about us being together in the first place. I guess, he was just mad at you for hurting me," she said.  
  
"Mon, you went to your parents' house. That must mean you had doubts about our relationship, that you were considering chosing Richard. I didn't want to force you to make that choice, and yeah, I was scared you wouldn't pick me," Chandler said. Monica gasped. She realised he had never known that she had picked him, that picking Richard had never really been an option.  
  
"Chandler, I woudl always pick you," she said.  
  
"Well, I didn't know that," he said. "To me, if you needed to think about it, then that must mean something was wrong with us. And I didn't want you to tell me that you were breaking up with me to marry Richard."  
  
"Chandler, I wanted you. When you came home, and Joey told you I was at my parents, it was so you'd be surprised," she explained.  
  
"What? Mon, what are you talking about?"  
  
"I was waiting inside the apartment. I was going to propose to you."  
  
"Oh my God!"   
  
"I'm sorry honey," she called him 'honey' without even thinking about it, despite the fact that she had been married to another man for four and a half years, and was now a widow. "I didn't think you'd run off like that. When Joey told me, I wondered if maybe you were as afraid of commitment as you used to be, or that you didn't really want to marry me at all."  
  
"You knew I was going to propose?"  
  
"Joey told me everything. But when you didn't turn up, what could I do? You hadn't even come inside for a change of clothes or your toothbrush. I knew you wouldn't be coming back. So I married Richard."  
  
"You didn't have to marry anyone," Chandler pointed out.   
  
"Chandler, I loved you so much. I didn't think I could ever love anyone else as much as I loved, love, you. Even Richard didn't compare. But he at least knew what I'd been through with you. He knew why I couldn't love him as much as he loved me. Because I couldnt' stop loving you."  
  
"Monica. allt his is, a huge shock, but what are we gonna do? just pretend we didn't ahve this conversation, and I'll go back to Ottowa, you stay here and get over Richard. Or try and pretend like the last five years never happened, and try and get back to where we were before that big tree came along?" Monica chuckled slightly. "Sorry, I know you were married to him," Chandler said, although he hated the fact.  
  
"Its okay. You know, all of those plans involve a lot of pretending. Why can't we just take it as it is. A big misunderstanding five years ago, which meant we were apart and I married someone else," Monica suddenly stopped. A horrible thought struck her. What if Chandler had married someone else too? "How about you?" she asked. Chandler frowned.  
  
"What about me?"  
  
"Did you marry someone else? Is there someone back in Ottowa?" she asked, not looking at him. Chandler almost laughed, but saw she was serious and stopped himself.  
  
"No Mon, there's no one else. Not anymore." She looked at him, puzzled. He sighed and started to explain. "A couple of years after I moved there, I started seeing a woman I worked with. She was nice enough, but she wasn't you." monica smiled. "Anyway, after I;d been seeing her for a couple of years, she was sick of my lack of commitment, everyone else thought we should get married, so I proposed to her. I thought about giving her your ring, but I realised I couldn't do that, even thought I would probably never see you again. Anyway, we were engaged, but she broke it off after just a few months. Said I wasn't commited enough."  
  
"I'm sorry," monica said. But she was glad he wasn't still with this woman.   
  
"I would say its not your fault, but it is!" Chandler joked.  
  
"How is it my fault?" she asked, pretending to be offended.  
  
"Because you made me think I could commit to someone, but unfortunately, I can only commit to you," he said, pretending to be serious.  
  
"Well, thats a relief. All that work, I can't have you go and marry someone else," she said. God, was she flirting with him?  
  
"I wouldn't want to marry anyone else," chandler said. Monica blushed. Chandler immediately regretted it.  
  
"Hey, you don't have to stay with Joey, if you dont' want to. His apartments even worse than when you lived there. Stay here, I can go home," Monica offered.  
  
"If you can go home, how come you were planning on staying here?" Chandler asked.  
  
"Too many memories at home," she said shortly.  
  
"Of Richard?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"so how come you think you can go there now?"  
  
"I don't know," she said honestly. Chandler smiled.  
  
"you think maybe it has something to do with me being back?" he asked teasingly.  
  
"maybe," Monica answered coyly.  
  
"You think the others are still out there?"  
  
"Oh yeah, definately. We shoudl probably tell them about the change of plans."  
  
Monica opened the apartment door, and sure enough, they were all sitting on the steps. When they saw her, they jumped up, trying to look inconspicuous. Chandler and Monica explained that he would be staying with ROss and Rachel, while Monica would be going back to the apartment she had lived in with Richard.  
  
"Are you sure thats a good idea?" Ross asked.   
  
"Ross, I'm fine," she assured him for the tenth time.  
  
"You said you couldn't stay there!" Rachel said.  
  
"Well, things change. COme on, did you two really expect me to live with you forever?"   
  
"No," Rachel admitted.  
  
"Well, yeah," Ross said at the same time. Monica sighed.  
  
"Ross, I know you're my big brother, and I know you care about me, but I can manage fine on my own."  
  
"Fine. go off and be fine," ross said sulkily.  
  
"Hey, you get me instead," chandler said with false good humor.  
  
"Great," Ross said sarcastically. "The guy who wrecked my sister's life."  
  
"Ross! Thats not fair!" Monica shouted.  
  
Chandler was surprised, but pleased to hear her sticking up for him. He wasn't sure how he really expected her to react, but he was glad she hadn't been mad at him. Now that she had explained it, he realised how stupid he had been. She would never have chosen Richard if he hadn't been stupid enough to run off. Thanks to his stupidity, they had both spent the last five years being miserable. Well, he had, but had she, really? Surely she wouldn't have married Richard if she didnt' at least like him. And for their marriage to have lasted four and a half years, there must have been something between them, even if it in no way compared to what he and Monica had had five years ago.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Like it? Hate it? Whatever, just please review. :) pretty please?  
  



	3. Part 3

Coming Home (part 3)  
  
Monica had told the others she didn't mind going back to her apartment, but when she actually got there, she was afraid to go in. She had once said that breaking up with Richard was the hardest thing she had ever had to do. Breaking up with Chandler had been EVEN worse than that. And now Richard was dead, and she felt guilty, because she didn't feel as bad as when she broke up with Chandler. And her husband dying, shoudl be worse than her boyfriend leaving the country. Except she had loved Chandler more than Richard.   
  
Richard had hated Chandler for a long time, but he had eventually realised that Chandler would always be a part of Monica's life, no matter how hard he tried to stop it. Monica did love Richard, she always had, but once she started dating Chandler, it had become a distant memory. When she married Richard, the love she had felt for him five years before had resurfaced, but she had been slightly scared, because she realised she had never loved Richard half as much as she loved Chandler, yet she was married to him. It just seemed wrong, and unfair to everyone, herself, Chandler and Richard.  
  
She sighed and let herself into the apartment. It was exactly how they had left it when they rushed to the hospital in the ambulance. The newspaper Richard had put aside just minutes before his heart attack, the long gone cold breakfast things left scattered around the kitchen, it looked like the past three days hadn't happened. The light on the answermachine was flashing, Monica figured she would have a load of messages from friends and family who she hadn't actually seen, telling her how sorry they were. But once she heard them, she would feel obliged to ring everyone back and thank them for calling, which she didn't feel up to doing. But there was one person she had to call.  
  
"Hi, dad," she said when he answered. She knew he wouldn't mind her calling so late.  
  
"Hi sweetie, how are you?" Jack asked.   
  
"Um, as near okay as I'm gonna be for a while. But hey, I moved back home."  
  
"Good. Are you sure you're okay?"  
  
"Yeah, Dad, I'll be fine. Um, are Becky and Amy there?"   
  
"Yeah, your mother put them to bed a few hours ago. You didn't expect them to still be up, did you?"  
  
"No, I guess not. Um, could you ring me in the morning, I want to talk to them."  
  
"They've really missed you Monica. Its bad enough that their dad died, without you cutting them off as well," Jack said gently.  
  
"I know, I know. I know this hasn't been fair on them, but it hasn't been fair on me either," Monica reminded her father.  
  
"I know sweetheart. So when do you want them to go back home? Not that they're any trouble, none at all. But they want to go home."  
  
"I don't know Dad. I don't think tomorrow, but maybe the day after," she said.  
  
"Okay. I'll call you tomorrow so you can talk to them."  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"Are you sure you're okay?"  
  
"Getting there. Anyway, I shoudl probably be going to bed, its pretty late."  
  
"Okay honey. Goodnight, sleeptight," Jack said, as he had done when she was a little girl.   
  
"You too Dad."  
  
When she hung up, Monica lay down on the couch. She wasn't sure why she had deliberately kept the conversation with her Dad short, he had been such a rock of support since Richard died. She supposed because the people she really wanted to talk to were her kids, but she didn't know if she could face them just yet. They would need comfort and reassurance, even more than she did herself, and of course, because she was their mother, it would be her responsibility to take care of them, no matter how much she was hurting too.  
  
When she woke up the next morning, Monica was still laying on the couch, she supposed she must have fallen asleep just after she called her Dad. She stretched her arms above her head to relieve the stiffness in them and yawned. The clock on the video said it was 08:16, which was a lie-in for her, since she usually had to be up at six to get the kids up and ready for day care. She reached for the phone as soon as it rang, not thinking that it might be someone else calling to ask her how she was doing.  
  
"Hey," a familiar voice said.  
  
"Hi," she answered, unable to keep herself from smiling.  
  
"So, you up for some escapism therapy this morning?"  
  
"No, I'm waiting for a call."  
  
"This afternoon then?"  
  
"Chandler, I don't know okay?"  
  
"Sure. Sorry," he said, not knowing why she had bitten his head off, he was only trying to help.  
  
"Look, why don't you come round here later? I could use some company?"  
  
"Okay. Lunchtime okay for you? See? I told you nothings changed! Five years in Ottowa, and I still rely on you for food," chandler joked. She had to laugh.  
  
"Sure. Come over about one."   
  
"Thanks. Um, I get the feeling Ross hates the idea of us seeing each other while I'm here. Would it be a good idea not to mention that I'm going to your place today?" Chandler aske hesitantly.   
  
"Probably. You don't mind keeping it a secret?"   
  
"Of course not. I want to see you and I don't want to get beaten up by Ross. Not telling him seems the perfect way to have both. Besides, it'll be like when we first started going out together."  
  
"Without the sex," Monica was quick to add. She might be flirting with him a little, which was a really bad idea, but she couldnt' afford to make him think she really wanted to have sex with him.  
  
"Dammit!"  
  
"Okay, I have to go. Like I said, I'm waiting for another call."  
  
"You were serious about that? i thought you just didn't want to see me," Chandler said, half serious himself.  
  
"Yeah, but I can't resist your boyish charm and goodlooks," Moncia joked back.  
  
"I know, you never could. I'll see you at one," Chandler said.  
  
"Bye," Monica said. The phone had barely been put down for a minute before it rang again.  
  
"Hello?" she said, expecting it to be Chandler calling back to annoy her some more, and half hoping that it was.  
  
"Mommy!" two excited little voices said.  
  
"Hi you two!" Monica exclaimed, delighted to hear them.  
  
"Did you miss us?" four year old Becky demanded.  
  
"Of course I did. Did you miss me?" Monica asked.  
  
"Like hell!" two year old Amy shouted, then burst out laughing.  
  
"Amy, where have you been learning words like that?" Monica asked sternly.  
  
"Grandpa," Amy said innocently.  
  
"Well tell him not to!"  
  
"Aww, why?" Becky asked.  
  
"So how are you guys doing?"  
  
"We're okay," Becky said. "Oh, grandpa said to ask how you are too."  
  
"Tell him I'm fine."  
  
"Grandpa! Mommy says she's fine!" Amy shouted.  
  
"And grandma says to remind you not to stop using night cream," Becky went on. Typical, Monica thought. "Mommy, what's night cream?"  
  
"Something Mommies and grandmas have to use to stay beautiful," Monica explained simply.  
  
"You'd be beautiful without no night cream," Amy said extravagantly. Monica knew that if she had been there, Amy would have thrown her pudgy arms around her neck and demanded to be picked up.  
  
"Thank you darling."  
  
"Mommy, when can we come home?" Becky asked.  
  
"I dont' know honey."  
  
"Grandma makes me eat broccli," Becky complained. Monica was suddenly angry for aking her now fatherless children eat stuff they didn't like, even though she did the same thing normally.  
  
"Well, tell her I said you don't have to," she instructed.   
  
"Yay!"   
  
"Okay, I'll tell you what. You can come home tomorrow, okay? That is, if you want to. I mean, I'm sure grandma and grandpa would love to have you around a little longer, and you'll get to eat even more broccli," she joked.  
  
"We wanna come home," Amy insisted.  
  
"Yeah, we wanna see you," Becky agreed.  
  
"Well, if you're sure. Can you put grandpa on for a minute?"  
  
"Hi sweetie," Jack said. "The kids say they're going home tomorrow?"  
  
"Yeah, can you drop them off around eleven tomorrow morning?"  
  
"Sure. Take care of yourself sweetie."  
  
"I will. Can I say goodbye to them?"  
  
"Of course. Bye honey."  
  
"Bye Dad."  
  
"Bye Mommy! Can't wait till tomorrow!" Becky yelled down the phone.  
  
"Me either! Bye Mommy! Miss you!" Amy chimed in.  
  
"Bye guys. Love you," monica said.  
  
"Love you too Mommy," Becky returned.  
  
"Me three," Amy said, then laughed at her own joke.  
  
"See you tomorrowm," Monica said.  
  
"Bye!" they chorused.  
  
Monica held the phone for a second longer, even after the girls had hung up. If Chandler thought there was a chance of things going back to how they had once been, he obviously thought she and Richard had never had kids, which was understandable really, since he had never been too keen on them. Monica wondered how Chandler would react if he knew she was a mother of two, now widowed mother of two. She sighed. That would have to wait. She wasn't up to telling Chandler yet. She just hoped Ross wouldn't decided to spoil things and tell Chandler about Becky and Amy. Because she knew Chandler would take it much better coming from her.  
  
TO BE CONTNUED...  
  
Like it? Hate it? Review either way.  
  



	4. Part 4

Coming Home (part 4)  
  
Before Chandler came over, Monica was careful to clean up, and remove all evidence of the kids from the living room. She didn't want him to find a stray barbie doll or teddy bear and have to explain that she and Richard had two kids. She knew she would have to tell him eventually, but she wanted to enjoy today with Chandler with nothing hanging over them.  
  
Chandler arrived on time, and Monica let him in with a smile. She was nervous as he glanced around the living room.  
  
"Nice place," he said politely. Monica smiled.  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"So, what's for lunch?" Chandler asked. Monica laughed. Maybe he was right. Maybe nothing had changed.  
  
"I thought we could order Chinese or something," Monica suggested. Chandler raised his eyebrows. "I just don't feel like cooking at the moment."  
  
"Sure, whatever." chandler agreed easily.  
  
"Great, there's menus by the phone, could you get a couple please?"  
  
"Sure," Chandler said, handing her some menus from a takeout place.  
  
When their food arrived, Chandler and Monica sat on the floor in fron tof the couch, talking. They carefully skirted around the subject of Richard's death and they way Chandler had left until they had almost finished their lunch.  
  
"I am sorry you know," Chandler said suddenly.  
  
"About what?" Monica asked, confused by the sudden change in him, he looked much more serious than he had, just a few mintues ago.  
  
"That Richard died. Okay, so I wasn't the guy's biggest fan, but he was your husband, and I'm sorry he died," Chandler said. Monica frowned. "What? You look disappointed."  
  
"Its nothing," she said quickly, forcing her face into a smile. She studied the take away food in front of her as if she had never seen it before.  
  
"mon, what is it?" Chandler asked. He put down his food and scooted over to her. "What's the matter Mon?" he asked, lifting her chin so she had to face him, but she averted her gaze , refusing to meet his eyes.  
  
"I just wasn't expecting you to say that," she said quietly.  
  
"What were you expecting me to say, honey?" he asked, not even noticing that he'd called her 'honey'.  
  
"I don't know," Monica said, obviously lying.  
  
"Did you want me to apologise for leaving?" he asked softly. She nodded slowly, then pulled away from his gentle touch, "Becuase I'm sorry for that too," he whispered.  
  
"You are?" she asked softly.   
  
"Uh huh," he whispered back. Monica finally met his eyes.  
  
"I'm sorry you left too," she replied. Chandler leaned closer and let his lips brush against hers. She jumped back from his gentle kiss, looking like a scared rabbit caught in the glare of headlights.  
  
"Mon?" he asked hoarsely.  
  
"I'm sorry Chandler. Its just... I don't know. I guess I'm just not ready for this, for that," she said, standing up and moving away from him.  
  
"No Mon, I'm sorry. I know Richard only died a few days ago."  
  
"Six," she said quietly. "He's been dead six days and I'm kissing another man." She sounded shocked and angry at herself.  
  
"Its not your fault. Its my fault. I kissed you, remember?" Chandler said. To him, it wasn't a bad thing at all, it was wonderful and natural. But if monica felt bad for such a quick kiss, he would take all blame for it. The last thing he wanted was to hurt her.  
  
"I'm sorry Chandler," she said again.   
  
"Don't be. Now, how about we have some ice cream and forget all about this?" he suggested.  
  
"Okay," she agreed. "I'll get it," she added hastily, remembering all the kiddie food in the freezer, chicken nuggets, fish fingers. Chandler would ask why she had all those things if he saw them, since she prefered to cook herself, but Becky and Amy loved that stuff. Monica served two bowls of double chocolate chip ice cream and silently handed one to Chandler.  
  
"My favourite!" he exclaimed as he accepted the bowl.  
  
"I know," she said with a faint smile. "Its also a great comfort food."  
  
"See, Richard dying has had one good effect. Its made you gain some weight. I always thought you were way too thin," Chandler said brightly.  
  
"Now you tell me!" she said, blushing. She had gained weight since Chandler had left, but more thanks to giving birth to two children than to Richard's death. She hadn't expected Chandler to notice, since she was still pretty slim, and she was slightly embarraed that he was studying her that closely.  
  
"Sorry, but I know how touchy women are about their weight."  
  
"Well, I'm glad to see Janice taught you one thing," Monica said, recovering from her embarrasment.  
  
"Yeah, never date Janice," Chandler quipped.  
  
"I'll remember that in case I ever feel the urge to date her," monica replied.  
  
"No, no, no, See you can date her. That would be cool," he said, trying to picture it. Monica realised what he was doing and slapped him lightly on the head.  
  
"Sorry," he said, not sounding at all sorry.  
  
"No you're not!"  
  
"Seriously, I am."  
  
"Well, what do you want to do now we've finished stuffing our faces?" Monica asked a few minutes later.  
  
"Well, I know what I want to do. But I'll settle for watching a movie."  
  
"Okay. What do you want to watch?" she asked, hoping he wouldn't ask to see what videos she had, because she hadn't thought to move all the disney and Bob the Builder ones.  
  
"'Die Hard'?" he suggested, grinning.  
  
"Maybe I should chose," Monica said.  
  
"Sure, whatever, I'll put up with a chick flick if I have to."  
  
Two hours later they were in the middle of 'Titanic'. Chandler was sat on the couch, Monica on the floor between his knees. His arms rested lightly over her shoulders. She was deeply engrossed in the movie, even though he knew she had seen it a dozen times or more. But Chanlde rwas more interested in her, She was just as beautiful as when he went to Ottawa, just a little older and a fraction heavier. Plus of course, the gold wedding band on the fourth finger of her left hand. In her jeans and grey vest top, she looked young and casual. Chandler noticed a tin gold chain that disappeared under her top. He lifted it up to look at it, but she pulled it out of his hands.  
  
"Chandler, please don't," she said, not talking her eyes of the TV screen. Obediently, he dropped the necklace. It wasn't all that important, he was just curious. But why didn't she want to let him see? It was only a necklace after all.  
  
By the time the film ended, Monica was in tears. Chandler hugged her and stopped the movie. He slid off the couch, gently pushing Monica forward so he coudl sit behind her. He put his arms arounf her and rested his chin on her shoulder, stroking her long hair without even thinking about it.  
  
"'Titanic' still makes you cry, huh?" Chandler remarked.  
  
"Yeah," she agreed.  
  
"well, given the events of the last week, I think you're allowed to cry," chandler said, tightening his grup on her.  
  
"You know, its funny. I haven't actually cried much," she said. "I've probably cried more over 'Titanic' than about Richard."  
  
"That's okay, not everybody has to cry to show they're sad," Chandler said gently.  
  
"I know, but my husband is dead, and I'm crying over a movie! How dumb is that?"  
  
"Mon, now don't bite my head off, but maybe you're in denial or something, and that's why you're not crying about Richard. But you cry about 'Titanic' because its safe, if you know what I mean. I don't know. Maybe I'm just talking out of my ass," Chandler suggested. He started to rock her gently, and she let him, leaning against his chest.  
  
"Chandler, I know he's dead okay? I know he's dead and I'm never gonna see him again," Monica said miserably.  
  
"I know you know he's dead. But that doesn't mean you're not in denial. You know, it takes time for the effects of something like this to sink in, not just the fact that he's dead," Chandler said, feeling very out of his depth.  
  
"Thank you Chanlder. You dont' know how much I appreciate you trying to understand," Monica said gratefully.  
  
"Come on, you have Ross, Rachel, Phoebe and Joey to understand you, you don't need me," he said modestly.  
  
"Chandler, I always need you," she said. Chandler wanted to kiss her, but he resisted the impulse, because he knew she would onyl jump back again. "And seriously, I think maybe you're right."  
  
"Monica, I'm no psychiatrist, but I know you," he said.  
  
"I know you do."  
  
"So you wanna watch another movie? Or is your ass going numb too?" Chandler said briskly.  
  
"Why do we have to do anything?"  
  
"Because otherwise we'd end up bored out of our minds."  
  
"Seriously, can't we just stay here?" Monica asked. She liked the comforting strength of Chandler's arms around her.  
  
"Sure, if you want to. But I may deman payment," he teased.  
  
"What?" she asked, half hoping he might kiss her again as 'payment'.  
  
"Dinner tomorrow night," he said quickly.  
  
"I'd love to," she said, then remembered the kids were coming home tomorrow. "Oh no! I can't. I really wish I could, but I can't see you at all tomorrow."  
  
"Why not?" he said, hating to admit to himself how disappointed he was.  
  
"I can't explain right now, please dont' ask me to. But I promise I will call you in the evening," she said. Chandler felt her whole body tense up. He hated when she hid stuff from him, but having been in Ottawa for five years, he didn't dare pester her to tell him, however much he wanted her to trust him.  
  
"I wish you would trust me," he said softly.  
  
"I'm sorry Chandler. I just can't tell you this right now," she said.  
  
"I won't force you to, I know I dont' have the right to know all your secrets anymore," Chandler said regretfully.  
  
"I wish I could tell you," she said. chandler thought she was telling the truth.  
  
"Look, lets just forget about tomorrow and concentrate on today, okay? So, do you want to watch another movie?" Chandler persisited. He obviously did, so she nodded and asked what he wanted to watch. "Do you have any horror movies?"  
  
"Yeah, Richard liked them," she said, looking sad for a minute.  
  
"'The Exorcist'?" chandler asked hopefully.  
  
"Probably. If you let me up, I'll go look," she said. Chandler grinned and let her go. When she returned from the bedroom, holding the video, Chandler was sat in the middle of the couch. She had to sit next to him, which she realised was okay, because she wanted to sit next to him.  
  
"How come you keep videos in there?" chandler asked.  
  
"I dont' know. How come you ask dumb questions?" Monica said evasively. She was avoiding the question, because the truthful answer was that she didn't want Amy and Becky to find them, and she couldn't think of a convincing lie. Chandler shrugged, willing to let it go, for the time being anyway.  
  
"Half way through the film, Monica realised why Chandler had asked to watch 'The Exorcist'. He knew she hated it, and had probably guessed she would end up with her face pressed against his shoulder. And from the firm, comforting way his arm draped around her back, not only soothing her, but also her holding her against him, she thought he liked the fact that he was in the protective role.  
  
When Chandler left, it was almost eight o'clock. Monica had been torn between wanting him to stay and wanting to call her parents before the kids went to bed so she could say goodnight to them.  
  
She had dialed hald of her parents phone number when the door opened and Chandler walked back in. monica hastily put doen the phoen, and raised her eyebrows at him.  
  
"What did you forget she asked lightly, hoping she didnt' sound as if he had interrupted something important.  
  
"I forgot how gorgeous you are," he said strangely. Monica looked at him, not sure how to react, or if he was serious or not. "And I forgot how hard it is to be around you and not do this."  
  
"Do what?" Monica asked. As far as she could see, all he was doing was making her wonder if he was feeling okay.  
  
"Chandler answered by doing what he had been longing to do all afternoon. He kissed her, holding the back of her head so she couldn't pull away like she had done earlier, feeling guilty for not giving her the chance to object. They were both surprised when Monica kissed him back, tentatively at first, then more demanding. It felt as if the past five years hadn't been real at all.  
  
They didn't notice the phoen ringing. Chandler's hands had slipped down to Monica's waist, hers clutched at his hair. God, how she had missed this. But even as she kissed Chandler, she felt guilty, as if she was betraying Richard or something. When she heard the answer machine click on, she stopped. Richard's voice bringing her crashing back down to earth.  
  
"Hi, you've reached Richard and Monica Burke. We can't come to the phone right now, but please leave a message." Monica pushed Chandler away. Richard's voice. She hadn't heard him speak for six days, yet it already sounded like the voice of a stranger.  
  
"Goodnight Mommy!" two familiar little voices shouted down the phone. Monica stepped back, Chandler's arms fell to his sides, releasing her. He stared at her in horro and hurt. Monica's eyes closed, she wanted to pick up the phone and talk to Becky and Amy, who were now chattering excitedly about coming home tomorrow, although Monica hardly heard them, but she found she couldn't move.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Okay, okay, I know they were acting kinda like High school kids, but please forgive me, okay? Review, flame if you must.  



	5. Part 5

Coming Home (part 5)  
  
"Mon?" Chandler asked. He was in shock. Mommy? Monica and Richard had children? A pair of little girls he thought from their voices. Monica didnt' answer. She stood mid way between him and the phone. "They're your kids?" he asked gently. Monica opened her eyes and looked at him as if she had forgotten he was there. She nodded, looking ready to cry at any moment. "Monica, pick up the phone and talk to your kids. I'll wait in the bedroom," he said firmly. She didn't move towards the phone, so he did, brushing past her and picking it up. He didn't say anything, just held it out to her. Silently, almost reluctantly, Monica took it. As promised, Chandler went into her bedroom to give her some privacy.  
  
"Hi guys," Monica said shakily.  
  
"Mommy!" they squealed happily. Becky launched into a long explanation of why Uncle ross made a better pony than grandpa, and Monica listened, laughed in all the right places, but felt awful because she wasn't really listening to her daughter, she was thinking about what had just happened between her and Chandler.   
  
In monica and Richard's bedroom, chandler was wondering if making Monica talk to her kids had been the right thing to do. What if she burst into tears? That would just frighten them, and they had to be very young.  
  
Looking around the room, Chandler was reminded again and again that Monica had married Richard, not him. There was a framed photograph of their wedding day on the bedside table on what he presumed had been Richard's side of the bed. Chandler thought meanly that if you didn't know them, you could easily have thought Richgard was the father-of-the-bride. Looking closer, he realised it wasn't just that he was the same age as Jack Geller, but it was the way Monica was looking at him. There was a lot of love in her eyes, but Chandler found himself wondering if it was the same kind of love she had felt for him. Richard looked at her with the kind of doting, protective expression of a father. Neither of them, Monica especially, looked at the other with any passion, at least none that the photographer had managed to capture.  
  
A picture of the family at a beach pained him the most. He had been right, monica and Richard had two little girls. They looked about two years old, and four years old. Monica had the younger one in her arms, and the older child clung to her legs. They were all wearing swimsuits. Monica looked grogeous in a blue bikini and white shorts. But it was Richard standing behind her with his arms around Monica's waist, not him.  
  
Chandler wondered if Monica had kept any photos or memories of the two of them together, but he couldn't see any, which made sense, since she was married to someone else. He respected her too much to go rumaging thorugh her stuff. He opened the door a crack to see if monica had finished on the phone.  
  
"Bye you two, goodnight, I'll see you tomorrow," she said, waited a second, presumably while they said goodbye, then hung up. Chandler went fully into the room. Monica turned when she heard the door open. Her eyes were bright with tears, and she looked so vulnerable and scared.  
  
"You okay Mon?" Chandler asked her. That was all it took, she burst into tears. Chandler rushed forward and pulled her to him. he held her tightly and rocked her as she cried. "Shh, its okay," he whispered, stroking her hair, out of habit more than for any other reason.  
  
"No its not," she said, her voice muffled by his chest.  
  
"Maybe not now, but it will be, I promise," Chandler said soothingly. That seemed to satisfy her, and she cried out all the hurt and pain and grief of the last six days in his arms. Chandler let her cry and didn't say anything until she was done. monica looked up at him. his arms were still around her, her cheeks were wet with tears, her make up had run, and her hair was a mess. And the necklace had come loose. It now hung over the top of her breasts. Chandler carefully picked it up. Threaded onto the thing gold chain was the engagement ring Richard had given her. Chandler had to admit it was beautiful, and looked very expensive, but he thought it was a little too fancy.  
  
For a second he wasn't sure why the discovery that Monica wore her engagement ring on a chain around her neck was so important, then it hit him. No matter how much he tried to convince himself otherwise, monica had loved Richard. She might not have felt the same passion for him as she had felt for Chandler, but she loved him enough to marry him, to have his children, and to always wear the ring he had given her around her neck.  
  
"You really loved him, didn't you?" Chandler said sadly. Monica nodded.  
  
"Once I did. But ever since you, I can't love him as much, because I know I love you so much more. does that make sense?" Monica said, avoiding his eyes.  
  
"I should go," Chanlder said, not answering her question and feeling really uncomfortable.  
  
"Sorry Chandler."  
  
"Yeah, me too."  
  
"I'll call you tomorrow," she promised. Chandler nodded and shrugged, he obviously didn't think she would.  
  
When Chandler left, Monica sank onto the couch and closed her eyes. That was not the way she would have chosen for Chandler to find out about Becky and Amy. But at least it was over. At least he knew now. She hoped she would never have to see that look of hurt on Chandler's face. She knew she had let him down, and she hated herself for it. But she couldn't have hidden it from him forever, even if she ahd wanted to. She had just wanted to wait a while longer before she told him.  
  
Chandler didn't go to Ross and Rachel's apartment. he didn't want to have to explain why he was so shocked and upset. Instead, he went to Central Perk, hoping it was still there and still open.  
  
It was still there, and still open, but Gunther wasn't there anymore. Instead, the serving guy was younger, onyl about nineteen, and sullen looking. He served chandler his coffe without the same familiar chat as Gunther used to. Chandler sat alone, in the same area he and the others used to sit all the time. Only it felt weird being there by himself.  
  
He couldnt' believe Monica hadn't told him that she and Richard had two children. Why hadn't she wanted him to know? Would she have told him if he hadn't heard them on the phone? Woudl Monica let him meet them? He wasn't sure if he wanted to. They were Monica's kids, with Richard. Kids he wished had been his, that should have been his.  
  
When he finished his coffe, he went for a wander round New York, regardlessof the dangers of walking round the city alone after dark. Chandler found himself back at the building where he and Monica used to live. He climbed the stairs wihtout thinking about it, until he was in the hallway between the apartment he had lived in for seven years and theone he had lived in for just a year. It was weird, but Monica's old apartment had always seemed more like home. Partly because he spent more time there, but also because Monica made it that was. Not only that she cooked for them and let them hang out there all the time, btu the comfortable atmosphere that the place had.  
  
That was the atmosphere he had wanted to recreate that afternoon with Monica in her new apartment. But he realised now he hadn't even come close. Perhaps because she had been tense and hiding something from him. But he thought she had wanted things back the way they used to be, or else why would she have kissed him?  
  
When he brough Becky and Amy over the following day, Jack was concerned about Monica. She was miserable and depressed, even more than she had been a couple of days ago. Even seeing her kids made her cry again. Becky hugged her Mom, scared at seeing her cry. jack told the girls to wait in the bedroom they shared. He forced Moncia to sit on the couch, while he sat next to her and hugged her.  
  
"Monica, your mother and I dont' mind if you want us to look after the girls for a little while longer," he offered.  
  
"No, no, I'm fine," she said, hurriedly wiping her eyes. Jack didn't look convinced. "Really," she added.  
  
"ARe you sure?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"You want me to stick aorund for a while?"  
  
"No, thanks, you go home. We'll be fine."  
  
"Call me if you need anything."  
  
"I will. Thanks."  
  
Jack kissed monica's cheek then went into the kdis bedroom to say goobye to them. When he was gone, becky and amy came out of their bedroom and nervously went over to Moncia.  
  
"Mommy? Are you all better now?" Becky asked worriedly. Monica nodded, wiping her eyes.  
  
"I'm fine sweetie. I'm sorry if I scared you two," she said. Amy threw her arms around her mother.   
  
"I love you Mommy," she said. Moncia hugged her tightly.  
  
"I love you too sweetie," she said. Becky joined the hug, and Monica held them bother tightly. She felt ready to start crying again, but she didn't want to frighten her kids, they had been through enough already.  
  
Later on, when they were tucked up in bed, monica wondered if she should call Chandler. She had promised she would, but she wasn't sure if he would really want her to. In the end, she decided to call him, he could always hang up if he didnt' want to talk to her.  
  
"Hello?" he answered the phone.  
  
"Hi," she greeted him quietly.  
  
"I didn't think you'd call," Chandler said.  
  
"Sorry."  
  
"No, I'm glad you did. So, did your kids come home today?"  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"Do I get to meet them?"  
  
"You want to meet them?" she asked, genuinely surprised.  
  
"Yeah, you know, if its okay with you. I mean, they're your kids. If I'd been in New York, I would have seen them," Chandler pointed out.  
  
"If you'd been in New York, they would have been your kids," Monica pointed out. Chandler was silent. He kenw she was right, and it hurt, but he wanted to get over it and move on, hopefully with Monica.  
  
"Yeah well, bygones and shit," he said wryly.  
  
"Chandler, if you do meet them, would it be as my friend, or my...boyfriend?" she asked shyly.  
  
"I don't know Mon, its up to you," he said, not wanting to force her into something she wasn't ready for. "You know how I feel. How do you feel about it all?"  
  
"I want you to meet them," Monica said. "And I'd like it to be as a possible future stepdad. If you want to," she whisered, hoping she wasn't scaring him.  
  
"Mon, I'd love to," he said simply. "But are you sure this is what you want?"  
  
"Yeah. I don't want you to meet them if you're just gonna leave again. I don't want you to get to be a part of their lives them abandon us all," she said. Chandler suddenly realised how much he had hurt her when he went to Ottawa, and how scared she was of being hurt again. That was probably why she had married Richard, because it was nice and safe and he wouldn't hurt her, and she wouldnt' be so devestated if he left, because she wouldn't love him so much.  
  
"I won't leave you again Monica. You or your kids. I promise," Chandler said. Monica smiled. She was very relieved to have his promise. She knew Chandler had once found it very easy to promise things just to make people happy, and to lie. But she knew he wouldnt' lie to her, especially about something as serious as this. She smiled wider than she had done for a long time.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Please review. you know you want to :)  
  
  
  



	6. Part 6

Coming Home (Part 6)  
  
Chandler came over for dinner with Monica and the girls exactly two weeks after he found out Monica had kids. Since then he hadn't seen much of Monica, because she hadn't wanted to leave Amy and Becky with a babysitter, since they got upset when they were left with someone they didn't know, and her parents were out of town for the week, visiting friends.  
  
Ross and Rachel had said Chadler could stay for as long as he wanted, but he thought they didn't really want him around, and he planned on staying in new York anyway, to be with Monica, so he had got his own apartment and had arranged to be transferred to his company's new York officew. He had flown back to Ottawa one weekend and arranged for his stuff to be sent to New York as well.  
  
When he got to monica's apartment, he knocked. He remembered clearly how he used to just walk in to her old apartment, how they all did. But he didn't think he could do that here. Monica said Becky had asked him to dress up nice, so he was wearing a suit and tie.  
  
"Who is there please?" a little voice asked. Chandler fidgeted a little. He wasn't sure how he was supposed to respond.  
  
"Uh, Chandler Bing," he said. There was some whispering behind the door, which made Chandler feel even more uncomfortable.  
  
"Okay," the little girl said. The door opened. He was greeted by a solomn looking littlegirl wearing a pale blue ruffled party dress. Her long black hair was tied in pigtails. Monica was on the couch wearing a gorgeous red dress that showed off her figure. A younger girl sat on her lap in a pale green dress that matched her sister's. monica was brushing the child's hair into two plaits.  
  
"Hi," Chandler said.  
  
"Mommy, who's he?" Amy asked.  
  
"This is Chandler. I used to date him, a long time ago, before you were born," Monica said. Chandler laughed at the awed expression on both kids' faces at the concept of a time before their existance.  
  
"Yeah. I love your Mommy a lot," Chandler said grinning. Monica blushed and busied herself with Amy's hair.  
  
"Will you love us too?" Becky asked seriously. "Coz we dont' have a Daddy anymore." Monica stopped what she was doing for a moment, a look of sadness passing across her face. Amy turned to look at her mother, and Monica quickly resumed doing Amy's plaits.  
  
"Sure I will," Chandler promised. He lifted Becky up and hugged her. Monica smiled as she watched them.  
  
"Forever?" Amy asked, wriggling free of Monica arms.  
  
"Forever and ever and ever," Chandler confirmed. Amy ran over and he scooped her up as well.  
  
"Wow, you're really good with them," Monica said later. They were all sitting on the couch together after eating dinner. It was nearly eight o clock and Becky and Amy were asleep, Becky leaning against Monica, Amy in Chandler's arms. "Amy's usually really shy around people she doesn't know very well. I'm surprised she let you hug her and amazed that she fell asleep on you. She never even liked falling asleep on Richard's lap."  
  
"Wow, better than Daddy huh?" Chandler said, half joked, but really more pleased than he wanted Monica to know.  
  
"Watch it!" Monica warned.  
  
"Sorry. So, are these guys gonna stay here all night, or can we put them to bed?" Chandler asked. Why did he feel like all he ever did around here was change the subject?  
  
"Yeah. Their rooms just over here Monica said, slowly easing Becky away from her. Chandler stood up with Amy in his arms. He followed Monica over to the children's bedroom and laid amy on the bed nearest the door, leaving Monica to change both kids into their pyjamas. Fifteen minutes later, Monica came back out. She smiled and joined Chandler on the couch.  
  
"Becky woke up and wanted a bedtime story," she explained.  
  
"I hope you told her a good one," Chandler said. He put his arm around her and pulled her a little closer to him.   
  
"Of course, although I'm sure it wouldn't have been up to your standard," she said, relaxing against him.  
  
"Oh it was probably miles better. I suck at bedtime stories." Monica laughed.  
  
"Will Ross and Rachel get annoyed if you're not back by eight thirty?" she asked. Chandler chuckled.  
  
"Probably. But I dont' care. I'm staying until you kick me out," Chandler said, hoping she never would, but knowing it was inevitable at some point.  
  
"I wouldn't kick you out. Maybe push you a little bit," Monica joked. Chandler groaned.  
  
"Cheesy," he said, as if he was a teacher of humor.  
  
"Sorry," she said, pretending to be ashamed.  
  
"I forgive you."  
  
"I'm so glad."   
  
Chandler smiled. he loved when they joked around, he always had, and the fact that they still did made him think that maybe they had a chance of having something resembling their old relatoinship. Maybe this time he could propose successfully, they could get married, and he could put his own kids to bed. Chandler became lost in his thoughts and even imagined Monica was sitting on his lap and kissing him. When he felt her tongue in his mouth, he realised this wasn't his imagination, this was real. He kissed her back and put his hands on her waist. It wasn't long before things started to heat up, and Chandler's hands were fumbling with the zip of Monica's dress. When the zip was undone, Chandler could slip the thin straps of the dress down her shoulders and pull it away, allowing him to kiss her breasts. He noticed she wasn't wearing a bra, presumably because it would show because the dress had a pretty low back.  
  
Monica let him push her dress down, loving the feel of his lips on her soft skin. She realised how different Chandler's kisses were to Richard's, whose moustash had begun to annoy her almost straight after they got back together. She stood up and stepped out of the dress. Chandler's smile widened as he drank her in. She was gorgeous, even more so than he remembered. He took her hand and let her lead him into her bedroom.   
  
Once the door was closed, she lay back on the bed and watched as Chandler undressed quickly. When he was naked, he stood and smiled at her. She smiled back. He crawled up the bed until he was lying on top of her, stopping only to take off her panties.   
  
A little while later, Chandler was inside her, his thrusts getting faster and faster. Monica's legs were wrapped around his waist, his arms around his neck. He was kissing her anywhere he could, her cheeks, nose, neck, occassionally grazing her lips. She suddenly felt like something was different. She looked over, not really paying attention, and saw that the door to her bedroom was open, she had forgotten to lock it, and Becky was standing there, holding the door handle, looking confused and tearful.  
  
"Shit," Monica said. Chandler ignored her. She didn't think he even heard, she knew he was close, but she had to push him off her. He complained as she did so, begging for just a little longer, but when he saw Becky, he quickly grabbed the duvet from the floor and pulled it over both him and Monica. She got out of bed though, reached for the robe that hung on the back of the door and quickly wrapped it around herself. Becky watched silently, not understanding at all. Chandler wondered randomly if she had ever seen Monica and Richard having sex. He wished the little girl could have waited just five minutes more before disturbing them, and immediately felt guilty for thinking such things. She had lost her father only a few weeks earlier, she needed her mother, Chandler wanted Monica, but although he sometimes thought he did, he didn't need her as much as her daughters did.  
  
"Honey, what's the matter?" Monica asked, taking Becky's hand and trying to lead her out to the living room.  
  
"Mommy, what are you and Chandler doing?" she asked curiously, not following her mother into the livingroom, and staring at Chandler, who felt very uncomfortable under the gaze of those big blue eyes that were so much like her mother's.  
  
"Nothing sweetie. Why did you get out of bed?" Monica said, tugging the child's hand, but Becky stubbornly stayed where she was.  
  
"If you were doing nothing, how come you were screaming?" Becky asked, genuinely wondering.  
  
"It doesn't matter darling. Come out into the livingroom," she said. Becky finally consented to follow Monica out of the bedroom.   
  
Chandler sighed and flopped back onto the pillows as soon as the door closed behind them. He had waited five years to touch Monica like that again, and when he finally got the chance, Becky had to ruin it all. He knew she had no idea what she had done, she was only four after all, but he was so annoyed.  
  
It was half an hour before Monica returned to bed, looking very awkward and embarrased. Chandler spread his arms, as if to ask what happened.   
  
"Becky wet the bed. She's been having nightmares for the last couple of months. They've gotten worse since Richard died," Monica said, not quite meeting chandler's eyes.  
  
"Poor kid," Chandler said, wondering how they could pick up where they left off.  
  
"Chandler, I'm sorry, okay. I'm sorry that this happened. But maybe its best. I really don't know why I was having sex with my daughters in the next room anyway. And especially so soon after their Dad died. Maybe you shoudl go back to Ross and Rachel's," she suggested, still not really looking at him. Chandler jumped out of bed and went over to her. He put his arm around her shoudler and pulled her to him. She leaned heavily against his bare chest, as if she was extreemly tired.  
  
"Is that the real reason you don't want to finish what we started?" he asked gently. "Or are you just starting to doubt whether or not you love me as much as you used to."  
  
"Chandler, you dont' understand how hard this is for me. I love you, you know I do. But I loved Richard as well, even though I loved you more. And Richard was my husband, and he died not long ago. You know I love you, but its so hard for me. Especially with Becky and Amy," Monica said.  
  
"Monica, we were just having sex. I'll understand if you tell me you want to leave it for tonight, but please don't just say you don't know. If you don't want to have sex with me, then you were stupid to do so earlier. If you've now realised you don't want to after all, fine. I'll just go back to Ottawa. Its up to you Mon," Chandler said. He was so angry with her for messing him around, and yet he hoped she wouldn't tell him to go away. Because even if they didnt' have sex, he wanted so badly to fall asleep with her in his arms and know that she would still be there when he woken up.   
  
"Chandler, please don't make me decide right now," she begged, feeling overwhelmed. Was this really the same Chandler who had been too scared to admit he loved her when they first began dating? The smae Chandler who was now asking her to decide whether to have sex with him then and there or to never see him again.  
  
"We don't have to have sex right now," Chandler said, seeing her struggle to understand.  
  
"I'm sorry Chandler," she said again. He was suddenly terrified that she wanted him to go back to Ottawa. He had said that, but he didnt' really mean it. He never wanted to make the mistake of leaving her again.   
  
"Okay," he said miserably. He started to pick up his clothes and dejectedly stepped into his boxers.   
  
"What are you doing?" she asked.  
  
"Getting dressed. I don't plan on going to Ottawa stark naked," he said, making a joke even he didn't think was funny. Monica didnt' either. She frowned slightly.  
  
"Well, you can go to Ottawa if you really want to, I guess, I mean, I can't stop you. But I was kinda hoping you'd stay here and wait for a single Mom to regain her sense," she said. Chandler stopped getting dressed and dropped the shirt he was holding, ready to put on.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Chandler, I don't think we shoudl have sex tonight, but that doesn't mean I want you to leave. I know I'm a little screwed up at the moment, but please, I woudl really appreciate it if you would wait for me to, I dont' know, recover, I guess," she said. Chandler stared at her silently. She didn't want him to leave? She wanted him to stay? He would wait forever if he had to. So long as he had her, he didn't really care if they slept together or not. So long as he could see her and hold her and touch her and be near her anytime he wanted, he would be happy. "Chandler?" she said nervously, after he hadn't spoken or moved for several minutes. "ARe you okay?" he didn't answer, he just walked back to her, picked her up and spun her around, both of them grinning. He kissed her passionately, and was delighted when she kissed him back. He knew she meant it when she said she didn't want to have sex, so he didn't try to take off her robe or anything. He was just content to hold her in his arms.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
like it? hate it? Flame away! But nice reviews are better. :)  
  
  
  
  



	7. Part 7

Coming Home (part 7)  
  
When Chandler opened his eyes and felt a woman's hand on his chest he knew instantly that it was Monica's hand, but at first he thought he was dreaming. monica couldn't be in bed with him, she was married to Richard. But it wasn't a ream. He could feel the weight of her body pressed close against his. The touch of her hand was light and gentle, but very real. Her dark hair ticled the soft skin of his neck. If he tilted his head slightly, he culd smell the familiar floral smell of her shampoo. He kissed the top of her head.  
  
"Morning," she said sleepily.  
  
"Hey," he replied.  
  
"You want breakfast?"  
  
"No. I just want to stay here forever and ever," chandler said, putting his arm around her.  
  
"Well, the kids are gonne want breakfast pretty soon," Monica said, slipping out of Chandler's arms before he fully realised what she was doing.  
  
"I meant I wanted to stay here with you," he complained as she put on a robe. For the first time, Chandler realised she was wearing his old Knicks shirt, she had put it on before they fell asleep. He hadn't taken anything when he went to Ottawa, but he hadn't expected Monica to keep anything of his.  
  
"Well, maybe another time," she said distractedly.  
  
"Oh God, why did I have to fall in love with a morning person with two kids?" Chandler asked, swinging his feet off the bed. He was wearing just hsi boxers, but Monica hardly noticed.  
  
The kids were still asleep when Monica went in to check on them, so she joined Chandler where he was slumped on the couch. They made out on the couch, like a couple of teenagers, until Monica heard Amy babbling away, probably talking to her teddy bears. She gently pushed CHandler away and went to get them up and dressed.  
  
Chandler realised Monica hadn't had chance to get breakfast ready, and since that was his fault, he decided to do so, and rumaged around for plates, spoons, cereal, milk and orange juice, put the kettle on to boil and dropped bread into the toaster. Monica was pleasantly surprised when she came out, holding the hands of both her daughters. Chandler wondered if becky would act weird because of what she had seen last night, but it didn't seem like she had given it a second thought.  
  
"Thank you," Monica mouthes as she poured milk onto Amy's cornflakes at the same time as trying to make sure Becky didn't spill her orange juice.  
  
"No problem," Chandler mouthed back. Monica took her eyes off the kids for a second to look at Chandler and smile gratefully. In that second, both she and Becky spilled.  
  
"Becky, I thought I told you to be careful," monica said. She started to reach for a cloth. Chandler handed one to her.  
  
"You spilled too," Becky pointed out.  
  
"Yeah, well Mommy should be careful too," Monica said, wiping up the mess.  
  
"Mommy, is Chandler gonna live with us now?" Becky asked halfway through breakfast. Monica looked up, startled.  
  
"I don't know honey. I haven't really thought about it," she said, glancing at CHandler, who was trying to stay neutral.  
  
"Do you love Chandler?" Amy asked mildly.   
  
"Of course I do," Monica said, making his heart soar and his face break open into a grin. "He's one of my best friends," she added, smiling and watching chandler for a reaction. He tried not to give her one, but his smile suddenly appeared much more forced.  
  
Chandler went with Monica to take the kids to day care. On the way back he asked her why she took them to day care when she was home all day.  
  
"Well, i was working before Richard died. And I plan on going back to work in a few weeks, so I didn't see the point in them not going. It'd only make it harder for them when they had to go back again," she explained.  
  
"So Mon, do you love Chandler?" he asked jokingly.  
  
"Of course. He's one of my best friends," she teased, repeating the answer she had given the kids.  
  
"No, seriously," he said. Monica looked at him, and saw that although he had acted like hw was just kidding, he did want a real answer.  
  
"Well, yeah. Its not like I loved you for two years and then automatically stopped loving you when you moved away," she said.  
  
"I know, but I just thought, maybe you stopped loving me, or else why would you have married Richard?" Chandler said. He didn't know what he wanted her to say to that. He wanted her not to have stopped loving him, but if she said she hadn't, he would have to wonder if she had ever stopped loving Richard after they broke up the first time.  
  
"Well, I guess marrying Richard was a mistake. But I never stopped loving you, even when I was married to him. I dont' know, its like even though I loved him, you were always there, at the back of my mind or something," she said slowly.  
  
"So when you and I were together, was Richard always at the back of your mind?" Chandler asked, trying to appear casual.  
  
"No," she said straight away, and Chandler believed her. "Because I never loved Richard even half as much as I loved you." Chandler was silent. He had never loved anyone else as much as her, but then, he had always been the one who was afraid of commitment, not Monica.   
  
"You know what, I should probably go to Ross and Rachel's and face the music," he said after a few minutes.  
  
"About you staying over last night?"  
  
"Yeah. Rachel will be thrilled that we're 'back together'. Ross on the other hand..."  
  
"Will be furious."  
  
"Yeah. I know he's just looking out for you. I just wish that didn't mean hating me."  
  
"Me too. I really dont' want you guys to fall out over me."  
  
"Hey, I wanna be his friend. He just thinks I'm gonne hurt you again."  
  
"I know."  
  
"Mon, I'm not you know," he said quietly.  
  
"Not what?"  
  
"Going to hurt you again."  
  
"I know," she said quickly.  
  
"Do you?" he asked sceptically. She nodded emphatically.  
  
She didn't know though. She knew he would never want to hurt her. He never had. But that didnt' mean he never would. It hadn't been his fault he had gone to Ottawa, and that had hurt them both. How did she know something like that wouldnt' happen again? Could she and Chandler really pick up where they left off, after five years apart? Would they ever have the same intense, loving relationship as before?  
  
After she dropped Chandler off at Ross and Rachel's apartment, Monica went home and cleaned. Since the kids were born, she hadn't bothered as much with the cleaning, but now that Chandler was back, it was as if she wanted everything to be exactly the same way it was five years ago. She knew it was stupid, but knowing that didn't stop her almost believing that they could pretend nothing had changed.  
  
Chandler braced himself as he entered Ross and Rachel's apartment, knowing they would demand to know why he hadn't come home and where he had been as if he was a child. When he walked in, he saw it was worse, Phoebe and Joey were there too. He supposed that since Monica married Richard, Ross and Rachel's apartment had become the new group hangout.  
  
"Hey," he said, acting like nothing was wrong.  
  
"Where the hell were you last night?" Ross demanded before Chandler had even had chance to close the door.  
  
"Playing darts with Jerry Springer?" Phoebe guessed wildly. They all looked at her. "Okay, I guess my grandmother is lying to me," she said strangely.   
  
"You were at Monica's werent' you?" Rachel asked. She didn't sound quite as angry as Ross, but she was still mad. Monica was her best friend after all.  
  
"Yes," Chandler admitted.  
  
"God Chandler! You are so stupid! She doesn't need you! Just leave her alone!" Ross shouted.  
  
"Ross, if she had asked me to leave, I would have left. But she wanted me to stay. Maybe you should listen to your sister, instead of deciding how she feels without even letting her decide for herself," Chandler said, trying to stay calm.  
  
"She's still upset about Richard. And you know Monica, she wouldn't ask you to leave unless you were wrecking her apartment or something," Joey chipped in. chandler felt like they were all ganging up on him.  
  
"You guys, I love her. I never stopped loving her," Chandler said.  
  
"So then why did you leave her and break her heart?" Phoebe asked. Chandler sighed. It was a fair question, but God, how he wished he didn't have to answer it.  
  
"I thought it would be easier on her. I thought she wanted Richard. How was I to know it was all a plan?" he said, knowing how stupid it sounded.  
  
"Because you know Monica. You know how much she loved you," Rachel said.  
  
"I thought I did. And now I know that what I'd always thought before that night was right. SHe did love me most. But would you guys please just think for a moment how much it hurt to have to wonder for five years, what would have happened if I had stayed."  
  
"You could have stayed," Joey said quietly.  
  
"We missed you too chandler," Rachel added.  
  
"Well, I missed you guys. And now that I'm back, I hope we can still all be friends," chandler said hopefully.  
  
"If you ever hurt her again..." Ross threatened.  
  
"I won't. I swear to God, I won't," Chandler promised. Suddenly, Ross hugged him. Chandler was relieved to have his friends back. Having Monica back was amazing, but now he could continue pretending nothing had changed. That woudl have been impossible if Ross still hated his guts.  
  
"Chandler's back!" Joey yelled, hugging Chandler tightly as soon as Ross stepped back.  
  
"Aww, honey, we missed you," Phoebe said.  
  
"Missed ya too Phoebs," he said, kissing her cheek.  
  
"Dont' you go running off to Ottawa again," Rachel said tearfully. Chandler hugged her as well.  
  
"I won't," he promised.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Okay, another part done. Please review.  
  
  
  
  



	8. Part 8

Coming Home (part 8)  
  
Chandler was in his apartment, frantically trying to get dressed. He was late for work for the second time that week. He was struggling with his tie when the phone rang. He knew he was already late, and it was either gonna be one of his friends calling to catch up, or his boss asking why he was late again. But he went against his own instincts and picked it up.  
  
"Hello," he said, sounding slightly as though he was being strangled, thanks to the fact that his tie was around his neck in a knot.  
  
"Hi Chandler," a little voice said. It was Becky.  
  
"Hey Becks, how'd you get my number?" he asked, relaxing a little, like he always did when he was talking to Monica or her kids.  
  
"Mommy dialed for me."  
  
"She did?" Now he was curious.  
  
"Uh huh. She wants you to come shopping with us."  
  
"Today?" Chandler wanted to go shopping with them, he just had to get out of going to work first.  
  
"Yeah. Can you come? Mommy, Amy and me all really want you to."  
  
"Well, sure. Can you put Mommy on please?"  
  
"Okay. See you later Chandler," Becky said then put the phone on the coffee table.  
  
"Hey Chandler," Monica said a moment later. She must have been hanging around while Becky was on the phone, perhaps hoping to get to chat to Chandler herself.  
  
"Hi Mon. Shopping today?"  
  
"Yeah. You don't have to come if you don't want to."  
  
"No, no, I want to. I just have to call in sick first."  
  
"Okay. You want us to pick you up?"  
  
"Yeah, please. Is half an hour to soon?"  
  
"Not at all. The kids are raring to go."  
  
"It can be sooner if you want."  
  
"No, they're ready. I am still wearing my nightie and no make up and I haven't eaten breakfast yet."  
  
"Are you sure half an hour is okay?"  
  
"Yeah. Totally. See ya soon Chandler."  
  
"Bye," he said.  
  
Chandler hung up and threw down his tie. He wouldn't need to bother if he was going shopping with Monica and the girls, they wouldn't care how smartly he was dressed. Although he did want to look nice for Monica. He decided to go change into a different shirt, one that was more colourful, since he wouldn't be wearing a jacket.  
  
Monica and the girls arrived almost exactly half an hour later. Becky was cute in a bright pink dress with bows on the shoulders, and Amy was even cuter in yellow shorts and a t-shirt with a picture of a duck on it. Both kids were wearing sneakers. Chandler was on the phone, and that was the only thing that stopped them running to him for a hug.  
  
"Yeah, I'm really sick," Chandler said, coughing for effect. "Today or tomorrow. Sorry Mike," he said, winking at Monica, who knew exactly how sorry he was to be missing work. He added a huge fake sneeze that made Monica wonder how stupid Chandler's boss was not to notice that Chandler was really 100% healthy.  
  
"If he's sick, how come we're going shopping?" Becky asked as Chandler hung up. He smiled and held his arms out.   
  
"Come on you two, I haven't been hugged yet this morning," he said. The two children ran into his arms. "That's better," he said.  
  
"Are you really sick?" Amy asked.  
  
"Well..." Chandler said stalling for time. Monica was grinning at him. He noticed how gorgeous she looked, even though she was just wearing jeans and a white v-neck top. "What?" he asked.  
  
"Nothing. I'm just looking forward to seeing you explain skiving off work to my children," she said. Chandler grinned back.  
  
"Well, I thought I was sick, but I'm not anymore, so we can go shopping," he said. Becky frowned for a second, but then smiled. Chandler thought how much like her mother she looked when she smiled.  
  
An hour later, they were walking through the centre of New York. Monica had parked the car and they were walking around the shops. Becky was in between them, holding Chandler's hand, because Monica was carrying Amy, who had got bored of walking less than ten minutes after they left the car.  
  
"Mommy, I'm hungry," Becky whined.  
  
"Honey, you had breakfast an hour and a half ago," Monica reminded her.  
  
"I know, but I'm hungry again."  
  
"You know what, I forgot to have breakfast, why dont' we go have something to eat now, before it gets busy," Chandler suggested.  
  
"Its New York City. Its always busy," Monica said wryly. "And by the way, I love when you side with my daughter against me."  
  
"Sorry Mon. But seriously, I am hungry. Where are we going?"  
  
"If you were hoping for anything other than MacDonalds, you're with the wrong people," Monica said.  
  
"Yay!" Becky exclaimed happily, swinging on Chandler's arm.   
  
Twenty minutes later they were sat at a table in MacDonalds. Chandler was eating a Big Mac, the kids were picking at their Happy Meals. Monica wasn't eating anything, just sipping a Diet Coke.  
  
"Whats the matter Mon?" Chandler asked, narrowing his eyes at her.  
  
"Nothing. Unlike you three, I can't eat burgers at nine thirty in the morning," she said.   
  
"Hey, I can eat them way earlier than that," Chandler joked. Monica smiled.  
  
"Chandler?" Becky said, sipping her chocolate milkshake.  
  
"Yeah?" he said, taking a huge bite of his burger.  
  
"When are you gonne move in with us?" Becky asked calmly. Chandler nearly choked. Monica laughed.  
  
"Um, well, I have another three months before I can leave my apartment, I signed a six month contract," he said, then realised that wouldn't make any sense to a four year old. "In three months time sweetie," he said.  
  
"You sound very sure," Monica teased him.  
  
"Well, I mean, I want to. I dont' have to, if you dont' want me to," he said seriously. They had talked about him moving in, but he was suddenly unsure. Monica smiled.  
  
"Of course I want you to. I can't wait. But you know what guys, you're gonna have to not come in my bedroom once Chandler moves in," she said. She wondered if it was a little to early to start telling them this, but she wanted them to getused to it. Okay, she admitted to herself. She was hoping that Chandler could come over one night and they could make love without being interrupted. They hadn't had sex since that time Becky had walked in on them. It just hadn't come up. She had a feeling they had both been trying to avoid having to discuss it.  
  
"Why?" Amy asked. She threw a chip at her sister and giggled. Becky threw one back, and pretty soon they were engaged in a full blown food fight. Monica managed to avoid having to answer Amy's question, because by the time she had stopped them throwing food, they had forgotten that she had asked why they wouldn't be allowed into their mothers bedroom, which was strange to them, because Monica had never stopped them coming in before, if they had a bad dream or something.  
  
Two hours later, after being dragged around numerous clothes shops, toy shops and most importantly, sweet shops, Chandler was exhausted. He was now carrying Becky, and Monica was holding Amy's hand tightly. Amy had decided she wanted to walk again a short while ago, which slowed them all down, because she couldn't walk very fast yet, but she kicked and screamed when either Monica or Chandler tried to pick her up, so they had to let her toddle around New York City, holding her mother's hand of course.  
  
"Chandler," Becky said sleepily.  
  
"Yeah?" he asked, half hoping she would ask to walk, like her little sister.  
  
"My shoe is about to fall off."  
  
"Oh. Okay." He put her down on the sidewalk and bent to tie the laces of her sneakers more tightly. Monica and Amy were just ahead when they stopped, but when he was done with Becky's laces, they were about 50 yards ahead.  
  
"Mon! Wait up!" he called. She started to cross at the zebra crossing, holding Amy's hand. "Mon! Wait for us!" Chandler shouted, taking Becky's hand and hurrying her forward. Monica turned to look at Chandler.   
  
The next ten seconds seemed to happen in slow motion for Chandler.  
  
One second, Monica turned to look at him.  
  
Two seconds, she waved.  
  
Three seconds, he saw the speeding car that was overtaking the other cars that had stopped to let the people cross.  
  
Four seconds, the other half dozen people on the zebra crossing saw the car and started to run towards the sidewalk, towards safety.  
  
Five seconds, Monica had picked up Amy and was running after them.  
  
Six seconds, the car hit them.  
  
Seven seconds, Amy's tiny body was thrown to the ground. Monica was flung high into the air.  
  
Eight seconds, she fell to the ground.  
  
Nine seconds, she hit the hard concrete.  
  
Ten seconds, the car that had hit them was speeding away again.  
  
"Mommy!" Becky screamed. Chandler felt her let go of his hand and start to run towards her mother. He grabbed her round the waist and pulled her to him.  
  
"Oh my God!" he said softly. Becky was hysterical. He picked her up and hugged her tightly. She struggled to get away from him.  
  
"Mommy! I want my Mommy!" she cried. Chandler didn't know what he could say to comfort her. He was silent. He rubbed the little girl's back in what he hoped was a soothing way, but his eyes were glassy and he was staring at the place where Monica had been hit. She now lay a few yards away, with a crowd of concerned onlookers gathered around her limp body. Chandler walked slowly towards her, making sure Becky's face stayed tight against his shoulder. Even in his state of shock, he didnt' want a four year old to see her mother and sister like that.  
  
"Oh God," he said again. Becky's hot tears were making his shirt damp, but he didnt' notice. He arms and legs waved as she tried to get free so she could get to her Mommy, but he didnt' notice that either, he just held her still as best he could. "Monica," he said weakly.  
  
"Mommy!" Becky screamed again, this time her voice was muffled by Chandler's shoulder.   
  
"Shit," he said, not caring that Becky was there. Monica, what had happened to her? Was she okay? No, she couldn't be okay. Would she be okay? She had to be. She had two children. She had to be okay. They needed her. He needed her.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Okay, I know the whole car crash thing has been done before, but I figured I might as well have a go myself. No one reviewed part 7, so please please please review this part. Thanks.  
Sorry Kendra, btw.  
  
  



	9. Part 9

Coming Home (part 9)  
  
Someone, Chandler didn't know who, had called an ambulance, which arrived within a few minutes. Chandler stood on the sidewalk, holding Becky, watching as they loaded Monica and Amy onto stretchers and put them in the ambulance. He rushed forward and asked if he could go to, saying he was Monica's boyfriend, and this was her other daughter. The paramedics let him, and on the way asked him all sorts of questions, some he knew, like her date of birth, others like her blood type, he had no idea.  
  
Becky refused to let go of him the whole time. She had quietened a little, and all he heard from her were occassional choked up sobs. Her small hands clutched Chandler's bright blue shirt as she burried her face in his shoulder. Chandler held her tightly, even though her hot body was getting heavier by the minute. He knew he couldn't let her go, even if he thought she would have released her grip around his neck.  
  
At the hospital, he asked a student nurse to call the rest of the gang. He gave her the number for Ross and Rachel's apartment, assuming that they would all be there, and if they weren't whoever was there, would call the rest. Meanwhile, he sat out in the waiting room, with Becky on his lap, staring over the top of her mess of dark hair. She had stopped crying now, and he was wondering if she had fallen asleep when she lifted her head and looked at him. her sad face made him want to cry as well. Her tears were red and tear stained, her dark hair that was exactly the same shade as Monica's, clung to her cheeks.  
  
"Chandler?" she asked, her voice shaking.  
  
"Yeah sweetie?" he said, stroking her back.  
  
"Where are Mommy and Amy?"  
  
"I don't know," he said honestly.  
  
"They're gonna be okay, right?" she asked. Chandler hated that he could hear the doubt in her voice.  
  
"I don't know," he said again.  
  
"I want my Mommy," she said quietly.  
  
"Me too," Chandler agreed, holding her tighter.  
  
"Chandler?" Ross asked, as he and Rachel came in and saw Chandler and Becky. Rachel automatically tried to take Becky, to give Chandler a break, but the child wouldn't let go of Chandler.   
  
"What did the nurse tell you?" he asked quietly, gently pushing Rachel's hands away from Becky. He didnt' want to have to tell them stuff the nurse had already told them. It was hard enough without having to say it for no reason.  
  
"That Monica and Amy were hit by a car. Are they okay? Chandler?" Ross asked panicking.  
  
"I have no idea," he said dully.  
  
"Chandler! You were there! Was it like a major disastor, or a tiny thing?" Ross demanded.  
  
"I'd have to go with the first one," he admitted reluctantly. Ross froze.  
  
"They're gonna be okay though, right? They're not gonna die or anything, right?" Rachel said hopefully. Chandler shrugged.  
  
"I wish I could say they're gonna be fine. I want them to be okay, more than you could know. But I saw the crash. I still see it everytime I close my eyes. And I can't tell you that I know they're gonna be okay," he said, then had to stop suddenly, because he was afraid he was going to start crying.  
  
"I'm gonna go find Monica's doctor," Ross said and wandered off.   
  
"So how you doing?" Rachel asked, sitting next to Chandler.   
  
"I dont' really know," he said. "Right now I'm just trying to be strong for Becky."  
  
"Poor kid," Rachel said.  
  
They sat in silence until Ross returned with a doctor. Rachel wanted to talk to Chandler, to help him open up a bit, but he obviously wasn't in the mood to talk, so she kept quiet.  
  
"Hi, I'm Dr Granger. I'm sorry no one talked to you earlier. I understand you're friends of Monica and Amy Burke, is that right?" he said.  
  
"Uh huh. And this is Rebecca, Monica's other daughter," Chandler said, for the moment not even caring that the doctor had reminded him that Monica's last name was Burke.  
  
"Are they gonna be okay?" Ross asked the doctor.  
  
"Maybe you should come with me," the doctor said. He started to go into a side room, where they could have some privacy. Chandler almost demanded to know right then and there, but he realised that there was no point everyone in the waiting room finding out what had happened, so he followed, still carrying Becky, who hardly moved in his arms. Once the door was closed behind them, the doctor sat down heavily, and motioned for the others to sit on the couch. They all did so, too much in shock not to. "Mrs Burke was thrown into the air when she was hit by the car. She is currently in theatre, having major surgery. She has six fractured ribs, two broken legs, a cracked collarbone, a crushed pelvis, as well as extense internal injuries, which are causing a lot of bleeding, which the surgery is trying to control," the doctor said. Ross wanted to kill him in that moment. how could he stay so calm? He was talking about Monica, Ross's little sister, as if she was some sort of speciman, not a real person at all. Chandler stiffled a sob against Becky's soft hair, which the little girl barely even noticed.  
  
"I saw the crash," he said. "I knew how bad it was, or I thought I did. But you haven't told us yet whether or not she's gonna live."  
  
"Right now, we don't know anymore than what I've just told you. We think she may have some head injuries, but we're not sure yet. Once she gets out of surgery, they'll take her for a scan," the doctor said.  
  
"If she doesn't have any head injuries, will she recover?" Rachel asked.  
  
"I'm afraid I can't talk about 'what if's. At this stage, nothing is ever certain," Dr Granger said.  
  
"What about Amy? What about my niece?" Ross asked in a choked up voice. The doctor sighed. He had known he would have to tell them, and by telling them about the mother, he had just been trying to put it off.  
  
"I'm afraid Amy died almost instantly," he said gravely. Chandler gasped and hugged Becky tighter. Rachel let out a sob, then covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes widened. Ross just stared at the doctor.  
  
"Amy's dead?" he asked, not really believing it. "She can't be dead. I mean, she's only two years old."  
  
"I know. Its always tragic when something like this happens, especially to someone so young," Dr Granger said.  
  
"Can I see them?" Chandler asked.  
  
"Of course. We'd actually like to check you over too, since you saw the accident. We'd just like to make sure you haven't had any after effects, shock for example."  
  
"Shock? The woman I have loved for longer than I ever thought I could love anyone could by DYING, I SAW her get hit by a car, and you want to know if I'm SHOCKED!" Chandler exclaimed. "Anyway, Becky was there too, you don't want to check her over."  
  
"Becky? This little girl saw her mother and sister get hit by a car?" Dr Granger asked. He had treated many victims of road traffic accidents, some even worse than this. But his heart still went out to the little girl sat almost motionless in the arms of some guy who claimed to love her mother. She couldn't be more than four or five years old, and she had seen something adults would hate to see.  
  
"Yeah, she was with me," Chandler said.  
  
"Well we'll definately want to keep her in overnight. Where's her father? Mr Burke is it?"   
  
"Um, he actually died a few months ago," Rachel said after a few seconds, since neither Ross or Chandler seemed able to talk.  
  
"Well who is Becky's next of kin?" the doctor asked. The other three three looked at each other, all with blank expressions.  
  
"I don't know. I'm Monica's brother, but I think she would have told me if I was her..." Ross trailed off.  
  
"Her in case of emergancy person," Rachel filled in, remembering the time Monica had brought her to the hospital when she hurt her foot.  
  
"Well, could you go get Becky some things, she shoudl stay overnight in the children's ward, where we can keep an eye on her." Ross nodded, glad to have something useful to do. Then he remember he wanted to see Monica, and he didn't dare leave her in case something awful happened.  
  
"What about Mon?" he asked.  
  
"I'll go get Becky's things," Rachel said generously. "You guys stay here."  
  
"Thanks Rach," Chandler said gratefully.   
  
"Can I see Monica?" Chandler asked as soon as Rachel was gone.  
  
"Of course. But uh, I don't think its a good idea for Becky to see her just yet," the doctor said.  
  
"I want Mommy," Becky said sleepily.  
  
"I know sweetheart," Chandler said soothingly.  
  
"Well, no one can see her until she's out of theatre, which will be at least another couple of hours, so long as there's no complications. I'll have a nurse stay with you until you can see Monica. Although you can see Amy now, if you want to."  
  
"Yes," Chandler said firmly.  
  
"And the child?" the doctor asked, nodding in Becky's directed.  
  
"I wanna see Amy," she said firmly, tightening her grip around Chandler.  
  
"Okay honey, we'll see her soon," Chandler promised.  
  
"Are you sure thats a good idea?" ross asked.  
  
"Ross, she was her sister. I think Becky has a right to see her, just like she has a right to see her mother," Chandler said in a voice that said clearly he wasn't in the mood to argue. Becky was going to see Monica and Amy. And that was that.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Okay, I know that wasn't the best place to leave it, but I'm tired! Please review.  
  
  



	10. Part 10

Coming Home (part 10)  
  
Chandler and Becky slowly walked into the room where Amy's body was. Becky had allowed herself to be put down, finally, but still clung to Chandler's hand tightly. As they appraoched the trolley with Amy on, she pressed herself closer to Chandler's leg. Chandler ruffled her hair with his free hand.  
  
"You okay sweetheart?" he asked. She knew, even at four years old, that 'okay' now was nothing compared to 'okay' normally. And he meant was she okay enough to see Amy, which she wanted to do, so she nodded. "If you want to leave, you just tell me okay?" She nodded again.  
  
Amy's tiny body lay on a trolley, which made her look very small and lost. Chandler wanted to touch her, but he didn't dare. Becky was the one to move forward, still holding Chandler's hand, but he only followed as far as he had to. Standing on tip toes, Becky looked at her sister's pale, bruised face. She reached out tentatively, with the hand that wasn't in Chandler's, and touched Amy's shoulder. Chandler watched as Becky moved her hand so she could stroke Amy's face and hair.  
  
"Bye bye Amy," she said softly. She pulled her hand away and pressed against Chandler again.  
  
"You want to go?" he asked her.  
  
"In a little while," she whispered.   
  
Chandler picked up Becky and walked the couple of step to Amy's side. He bent down and kissed her cool cheek. He brushed a few strands of her brown hair away from her face.   
  
"You wanna stay a bit longer?" he asked after a minute or two. Becky shook her head.  
  
"When can I see Mommy?" she asked.  
  
"I don't know. Not for a while."  
  
"how long is that?"  
  
"A few hours at least."  
  
"Oh."  
  
Chandler carried Becky back to the little room where Ross was waiting. He sat down, and Becky slid off his lap to sit next to him, although she still leaned against him. Ross went in to see Amy, leaving Chandler and Becky alone when Joey and Phoebe arrived.   
  
"Oh my God! What's happened?" Phoebe asked.  
  
"We got here as fast as we could, but Phoebe's grandmother's cab broke down, and we had to get a real cab," joey said.  
  
"Hey, its a real cab!" Phoebe said.  
  
"Guys, does it really matter? Amy's dead, Monica's in surgery, she could die too. There are more imortant things than taxi cabs!" Chandler snapped.  
  
"Amy's dead?" Phoebe gasped. Chandler realised that Ross had called them before he knew what was going on, and that he had told them in what was perhaps the worst possible way.  
  
"Yeah, I'm sorry. I forgot you didn't know," he said.  
  
"Oh my God! What about Monica?" Joey asked. He sounded like he might be about to cry.  
  
"She has loads of injuries, and they think she might have brain damage or something as well. They're still trying to find out."  
  
"Oh god!" Phoebe gasped. She sat down next to Becky.  
  
No one spoke until Ross came back from seeing Amy. Even then, all they did was say 'hi' to Ross. There was nothing else any of them could think to say, Becky fell asleep against Chandler. It had been a long, awful day for her, and she was absolutely exhausted. When Rachel arrived with pjs and a teddy bear for Becky, a nurse asked Chandler to take her up to the children's ward. Becky woke up on the way and started crying again when Chandler had to leave her. In the end, he called Ross and said he would stay with Becky, but to call him if anything happened with Monica.  
  
Two hours later, his mobile rang. Several children were asleep, including Becky, so he got some dirty looks from parents.   
  
"Sorry," he muttered and hurried away with the phone. "Hello?"   
  
"Hi, she's out of theatre. They said we can see her soon," Ross said quickly.  
  
"I'll be right there," Chandler said. He rushed back to the ward to tell a nurse he was leaving, then ran all the way back down to the emergancy room.  
  
"Whats going on?" he asked the doctor, slightly out of breath.  
  
"Mrs Burke has been taken up to intensive care. She's in a critical condition, but you can see her, one at a time, if you want to. In an hour or so, she'll have a brain scan. We won't know much until then," Dr Granger told them.  
  
"I want to see her. I have to get back to Becky," Chandler said. He knew the others wanted to see Monica too. But her desperately needed to see her, to talk to her again, and he knew Becky would panic if he wasn't back by her side when she woke up again.  
  
"Fine," Ross sighed. He had hoped he would get to see Monica first, since she was his sister. But Chandler was right. Becky needed him.  
  
Chandler walked into Monica's room slowly. He wanted to see her, but at the same time, he was afraid to see her. If he didn't know for himself how bad she really was, he could still kid himself that this wasn't really happening, or at least that she would be okay. But once he saw her, he would have to face the horrible reality.  
  
She was surrounded by machines. It seemed like they were the only things keeping her alive, and he hoped it wouldn't be that way for long. He hoped she would recover and breath on her own again, get up, walk over to him, throw her arms around him and kiss him. He could almost see her doing that, then he blinked hard and shattered the illusion.  
  
"Hi Monica," he whispered. "Its me, Chandler. God, I hate seeing you like this."  
  
He walked closer, so he was standing right next to her. She looked even worse than he had imagined. Her legs were in casts, her chest was strapped to support her broken ribs, she had several needles in her arms that were attatched to drips, cuts, some stitched some not all over her face and body, as well as bruises, dark purple stains on her pale skin.  
  
"Mon, don't leave me. Dont' leave Becky. Please. I know it hurts, but dont' give up. We need you. Especially Becky. Don't make her an orphan Mon," Chandler said. He had wanted to see her so badly, but now he was with her, he didn't really know what to say, but he supposed just being with her was enough, for now anyway. He couldnt' bring himself to say goodbye, because that would be like admitting that she was beyond his reach, and he wasn't ready to think that yet.  
  
Eventually, after he had been sitting there, not speaking for almost ten minutes, Ross came in and quietly asked if he could see Monica now. Chandler nodded and reluctantly stood up to leave. He kissed Monica lightly on the forhead, glanced at Ross for a second, then kissed her again on the lips.   
  
He went back to the children's ward to sit with Becky. There was no point in hanging around with the others waiting to get to see Monica again. He didn't feel like making small talk with them, nor was he up to talking about Monica. Becky was asleep, and even if she woke up, she was four years old, he didn't think she would ask too many questions, she was too shocked and scared.  
  
Becky didn't wake up for half an hour, but Chandler didn't leave her bedside once. Twice, a nurse offered him a cup of coffee, both times he declined. When she woke up, she looked around, her blue eyes suprised at the unfamiliar surroundings. When she saw Chandler, she smiled, recognising him. It took a few moments for her to remember what had happened, and when she did, Chandler saw her register the facts and try to cope with them, but it was far too much for him, never mind this little girl. She looked at him, her eyes full of tears, begging him to make it better. He wished he could.  
  
"Chandler? Where's Mommy?" she asked shakily.  
  
"Another ward, like where you are, excpet all the people there are really sick," he said, simplifying it as much as possible.  
  
"Is Mommy really sick?"   
  
"I'm afraid so honey."  
  
"Is she gonna die, like Daddy and Amy?" Becky asked solemnly, reminding Chandler that Becky understood much more about death than most kids her age.  
  
"I hope not," was all he could say. He didn't want to promise anything, because if he told her Monica would be fine, and she died, Becky would never forgive him. He would never forgive himself.  
  
"Chandler?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"If Mommy does die, what will happen to me? I'm only little. I still need my Mommy," she said. Chandler wanted to cry at the serious, worried look her her young face.  
  
"I'll look after you sweetheart, I promise," he said. That was one thing he felt comfortable promising, although after he had done so, he wondered if it was right. He would always want to take care of Becky, the question was if he would be allowed to. But he pushed that thought away and hugged Becky, they both needed it.  
  
"Chandler?" another voice said. He looked up, Becky followed his gaze. It was Phoebe.  
  
"Hey Phoebs," Chandler said. Becky managed a small, pathetic wave.  
  
"Monica's awake. Ross is with her now, but he says she keeps asking for you," Phoebe said.  
  
"I'll be right there," Chandler said. Becky turned to him, starting to cry again.  
  
"Please don't go," she said.  
  
"I have to honey, I wanna see your Mommy," he said. He immediately regretted it, because Becky started screaming again.  
  
"I wanna see Mommy too! When can I see Mommy?"  
  
"I don't know. I think you're supposed to stay here," Chandler said, looking helplessly over at Phoebe, who shrugged.  
  
"But I wanna see Mommy!" Becky wailed.  
  
A nurse hurried over to see why there was a screaming child on her ward. When she heard Becky's screams, she gave Chandler and Phoebe stern looks, making them feel not much older than Becky for a minute, then she turned to Becky, changing to look sympathetic and caring almost effortlessly. She had been informed about Becky's circumstances, and felt very sorry for her.  
  
"Yes, Becky, you have to stay here. Maybe you can see Mommy tomorrow," she said kindly.  
  
"I kinda have to go. Sorry," Chandler said, backing away. Becky screamed and held her arms out to him. the nurse gave him a stern look that told him exactly what she thought of people who walked away from crying children. He went back to Becky. "Sorry honey. I'll be back soon, I promise." She hugged him tightly, sniffing, then reluctantly let him go.  
  
"Bye Chandler," she said.  
  
Chandler followed Phoebe back to intensive care. He felt increadibly torn. He knew Becky needed him, she had lost her father, her sister, and was in danger of losing her mother too, she needed him to be there for her. But he had to see Monica, especially if she was asking for him. He felt like there was so much still to say, even though earlier he hadn't been able to talk, that was because she couldn't talk back. But now that had changed, she had woken up. He suddenly felt like dancing down the corridor.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Okay, I know not much happened, but see, I didn't kill Monica. Yay me! Anyway, the next part is on its way. Until then, please review. :)  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. Part 11

Coming Home (part 11)  
  
Chandler had to wait a few minutes with the others while Ross finished talking to Monica. Chandler wanted to start yelling at Ross for taking so long, but he restrained himself. He also wanted to start jumping up and down and dancing on the spot in a mixture of nervousness, excitment, relief and happiness, which he didn't bother to stop himself doing.  
  
"Do you have to go to the bathroom, man?" Ross asked as he came out of Monica's room, looking much happier than he had earlier. Chandler ignored him as he hurried past Ross into Monica's room. She was looking a whole lot better than she had been less than an hour ago. She was no longer on a ventilator, and was half sitting up, propped up on several pillows. But she did look very tired and her injuries looked somehow worse on someone who was awake than someone who was unconsious. He slowed down about half way between her bed and the door. Someone, he guessed Phoebe, had closed the door, giving him and Monica some provacy.  
  
"Hi," he said softly.   
  
"Hey," she replied, although she still looked in pain. She smiled weakly, which made Chandler walk the remaining few paces to her bedside. He sat in the chair he presumed Ross had just vacated and let his hand hover a few inches above hers. He had reached out to hold her hand, then wondered if it would hurt her too much. She seemed to read his mind, reaching up herself to take his hand, then lowering it to the bedcovers, grimacing as she did so, but wanting to touch him. She didn't remember anything from the time she had stepped onto the zebra crossing. No one had told her anything about Chandler, Becky or Amy, and she didn't know if they had been on the crossing with her or not, although she kenw they had been out shopping with her. Seeing Chandler made her very relieved, because it allowed her to believe that the girls had been with Chandler. If he had been hit too, her children almsot certainly would have been, but because he was here, and unhurt, she could hope they were okay too.  
  
"I'm so glad you're okay," he whispered. She thought he wasn't far off crying.  
  
"Becky and Amy?" she asked, her voice hoarse, but surprisingly strong. Her question made Chandler start crying. "Chandler, whats wrong? What happened to Becky and Amy?" she asked, almost shouting. He didn't answer, withdrew his hand and sat back in his chair, crying. He didn't want to be the one who had to tell her. He didn't want to have to see the hurt, shocked, sad look on her face when she found out Amy was dead. he didn't want to make her cry, or inflict any more pain on her, she was hurting enough already, physically, he didn't want to add any mental anguish on top of that. "Chandler?" she said again, trying to sit up, pulling against all the wires attatched to her, ingoring the pain. "Chandler?" He sighed and sat forward again. He couldn't bear to see her in more pain, so he decided he would have to tell her.  
  
"Mon, lie back down," he told her, helping her settle against the pillows again. Her eyes were wide with shock and worry, anticipating what he was about to tell her. "Okay. Becky is safe and looked after on the children's ward. She is perfectly fine, just shocked and upset. They wanted to keep an eye on her tonight, but she was safe with me."  
  
"And Amy?" Monica asked, her voice trembling.  
  
"Monica, I'm so, so sorry. Amy died on the crossing with you," he said, biting his lip. Monica closed her eyes, fighting back tears, because she knew it would hurt her ribs to cry. "She died straight away, she probably wasn't in much pain, not for long anyway."  
  
"Oh my God!" Monica gasped. She started to cry, unable to hold back the tears. Amy was dead? She had been with her, and now Amy was dead.   
  
"Oh Mon," Chandler said, standing up and leaning over her to hug her as tightly as he dared, mindful of her broken bones. She squeezed him as tightly as she could, although doing so caused sharp pain to flare in her chest and stomach. "Mon, its gonna be okay, you know? We'll get through this," he said soothingly. She doubted if it would ever be okay again, but appreciated his efforts to comfort her.  
  
"Chandler, will you promise me something?" she said, pulling stiffly away from his hug. He helped her lie down again without her asking him, and she smiled gratefully.  
  
"Of course, anything," he said easily.  
  
"If something happens to me, anything, promise you'll look after Becky for me?" she said. Chandler kissed her cheek.  
  
"Of course. I would have done anyway."  
  
"I told Ross that's what I want," she said, turning her face so he kissed her again, this time on the lips.  
  
"Mon, I'm glad you're thinking of Becky, but nothing is going to happen. You're gonna be fine Mon," he said.  
  
"How do you know Chandler? They haven't done a brain scan yet, they put it off so you guys could see me."  
  
"You're awake, that tells us more than a brain scan ever could," he said softly.   
  
"Chandler, I wish that was true. But the doctor said I could have hidden damage or something, anyway, they're not saying anything definate until after the scan."  
  
"So when's it gonna be now?" he asked, refusing to accept that things might take a turn for the worse, even now.  
  
"Tomorrow. that's the soonest they can fit me in. I think there's some technical problems or something, they're behind schedual," she added.  
  
"Can we please talk about something else?" he asked. She looked at him, he looked like he might start to cry soon.  
  
"Sure, I'm sorry," she said.  
  
"Mon, don't be sorry. I know this is important to you. Its just I don't want to think about you not be alright," he said.  
  
"Me neither. So how's Becky?" she asked, forcing herself to concentrate on the daughter she had left.  
  
"Missing you like crazy. I've been with her pretty much since the accident. I mean, apart from when i've been with you," he said.  
  
"Thanks. Will you, will you tell her I miss her too?"  
  
"Of course."  
  
"when can I see her?" chandler almost laughed. She sounded exactly like Becky.  
  
"I'm not sure. When the nurses on the children's ward decide she's okay to see you, i guess," he said.  
  
"When will that be?"  
  
"I don't know Mon, i'll ask when I go back up there." She sighed. "What?"  
  
"I'm sorry. I know Becky needs you more than I do. I just dont' want you to go," she said, not quite looking at him. He smiled.  
  
"Me neither." They kissed again, and although the small movement hurt, Monica put her arms around him.   
  
Chandler stayed until Rachel started knocking impatiently on the door. He smiled at Monica, kissed her one last time, then left, allowing Rachel in to see Monica. He wanted to go straight back up to see Becky, but Ross stood up as Chandler left Monica's room, and he realised Ross wanted to talk.  
  
"Chandler, did Mon talk to you about Becky?" Ross asked.  
  
"Yeah," he said shortly.  
  
"You're okay with that?"  
  
"Totally. I want to take care of Becky, not that I think anything bad is going to happen to Monica. That's what I told her."  
  
"Just, you don't take my neice back to Ottawa, okay?" Ross said. "I mean, if anything DOES happen."  
  
"Which it won't."  
  
"Of course not. But if it does..."  
  
"Becky and I will stay in New York," Chandler promised. The thought of returning to Ottawa hadn't even crossed his mind.   
  
"Thanks man," Ross said, sounding very relieved.  
  
"Hey, I was going to stay here anyway," Chandler said. "Well, I shoudl probably go up and see Becky."  
  
"Hey, stay here if you want, I'll go see Becky. I would have before, I just wanted to talk to you," Ross offered.  
  
"No, I want to see her. She was a bit upset about me coming down here in the first place. I should probably be the one to go up," Chandler said.  
  
"Okay, well, I'll go see her later," Ross said. He was feeling slightly guilty that until now he had been so focused on Monica, he had forgotten his neice.  
  
"Okay," Chandler agreed.   
  
When Becky saw him again, she jumped down from her bed, ran over to him and threw her arms around him. Chandler picked her up and hugged her. A nurse came over, a different one to the one he had spoken to earlier.  
  
"How is Mrs Burke doing?" the nurse asked.  
  
"She's okay, she's awake. She's having a brain scan tomorrow, to make sure, but she's okay," Chandler said happily, speaking to both the nurse and to Becky.  
  
"Woo hoo!!" Becky yelled and hugged him tighter. She looked happy for the first time since the accident. 'Wow', he thought, 'was it really just a few hours ago?'  
  
"I'm glad to hear it," the nurse said smiling. "Becky, you can go see your Mommy if you want."  
  
"Yay!!!" Becky shouted.  
  
"Yeah, and now I'm deaf," Chandler joked. Becky was wriggling in his arms, making herself more comfortable. Chandler chuckled. "Can I take her down now?" he asked.  
  
"Pretty please with a cherry on top?" Becky asked.  
  
"Okay. Not for long though," the nurse said, still smiling.  
  
"Yay!" Becky said again.  
  
"Thank God, that wasn't right in my ear that time," Chandler muttered.  
  
"Yay!" Becky screamed, this time aiming for his ear. She laughed as he held his hand to his face.  
  
"Come on you, before I go deaf for real," he laughed.  
  
Phoebe, Joey and Ross were surprised to see Chandler return so soon, but they all grinned when they saw Becky. Phoebe and Joey were both slightly disappointed, they still hadnt' gotten to see Monica since she woke up, and now it looked like Chandler and Becky would see her next, since Becky probably had to get back to the children's ward.  
  
"Hi Becky!" Ross said, plucking her out of Chandler's arms. She went willingly enough, very different to the clingy, frightened little girl that had arrived at the hospital. Chandler supposed that had mostly been fear about her mother, and now that it looked like Monica was going to be okay, Becky was more comfortable about being out of Chandler's arms.  
  
"Are you guys here to see Monica?" Phoebe asked, trying not to sound selfish.  
  
"Uh huh!" Becky said.  
  
Chandler knocked on the door and stuck his head round.  
  
"Hey, sorry Rach, but there's someone here who wants to see her Mommy," he said, grinning. Monica smiled back, and even Rachel managed a smile, although she wanted to see Monica for a little longer.  
  
"Mommy!" Becky shrieked, as Chandler lifted her out of Ross's arms, into his own and carried her into Monica's room, where she struggled to get free. Chandler put her down on the bed next to Monica.  
  
"Be careful, Mommy's still hurt bad," Chandler said warningly. Becky nodded seriously, and hugged her mother lightly.  
  
"You call that a hug?" Monica said, hugging Becky back, fighting the pain. Becky needed reassurance that her mother was okay, not to be afraid of her breaking.  
  
"You want me to leave you guys alone?" chandler offered, hoping Monica would say no, because he loved watching them together.  
  
"No, please stay," Monica said. Chandler smiled and sat down in the chair by her bed. Becky stayed on the bed with Monica, trying not to jar her mother's broken bones, but wanting to be as close as possible. Monica winced as Becky accidentally kicked her pelvis, which was currently held together by an assortment of metal pins, and was her most painful injury. Chandler looked ready to take Becky off the bed, but Monica shook her head slightly. She wanted to be near Becky as much as Becky wanted to be near her.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Okay, no cliffhanger this time. Please review. Part 12 coming soon. 


	12. Part 12

Coming Home (part 12)  
  
After almost an hour, Chandler thought he had better take Becky back to the children's ward. Monica looked very tired, and Becky was beginning to get restless and move around, accidentally bumping into Monica's painful broken bones.   
  
"Maybe we should get going?" he suggested. "I know Joey and Phoebe want to see you too, and this one," he nodded at Becky, "has to be getting back to the childrens' ward."  
  
"Chandler, could you please ask Joey and Phoebe to wait a while? I want to see them, its just I'm really tired," she said apologetically.  
  
"Of course, no problem. I'm sure they won't mind," he assured her. He thought they probably would mind, but they were Monica's friends, they would understand how she was feeling.  
  
"Thanks Chandler," she said tiredly. He picked Becky up off the bed and bent down so she could kiss her Mommy goodbye. Monica kissed Becky's cheek, then silently asked Chandler for one more kiss, which he gave her more than happily.  
  
After saying goodbye to the others, and passing on Monica's message that she was tired, Chandler took BEcky up to the childrens' ward, where he spent the night, trying to sleep in a chair by her bed. She had been given some baby tylenol to help her sleep, so she didn't suffer the nightmares Chandler did.  
  
He managed to fall asleep around one thirty, but it wasn't long before he saw himself back out there shopping, relived the accident, saw Monica fly into the air, Amy thrown to one side, her tiny body standing no chance against the cruel concrete. He saw details he couldnt' even remember seeing when it was actually happening. He heard several loud cracks, as Monica's bones broke, which he knew he couldn't have really heard over the noise of the traffic, especially with Becky screaming. He saw blood on the road, which he knew had probably been there, he just hadn't paid much attention to it. He woke up shivering and almost called out for Monica, as he would have done normally if he had a nightmare, and she would wake up and comfort him. Then he remembered where he was and kept quiet, so he wouldn't wake any sleeping children.  
  
He checked Becky was still asleep, then tried to go back to sleep himself. A few hours later, he was in the grip of another nightmare. This time, someone was telling him that Monica was dead. He was screaming and crying, and Becky, who was with him was doing the same. Then somehow, Becky was Monica. He supposed that should have comforted him, that she was still there, but it just scared him even more. He woke up and realised he had fallen on the floor and his cheeks were wet with real tears. He didn't think he had been screaming though, because no one was looking at him, and Becky was still asleep.   
  
Chandler suddenly felt he needed to go and check on Monica. He didn't care that it was after three am, he had to see her. He crept out of the children's ward and down the corridor, wondering as he did so if any of the others would be there, or if they would have gone home. As it turned out, only Ross was still at the hospital, and he was asleep outside Monica's room, she had obviously asked for some peace, and he had gone outside to wait and fallen asleep.  
  
He went into her room as quietly as he could, knowing she would probably be sleeping. She was, but he went in and sat down next to her bed anyway, just needing some reassurance that she was okay, that his nightmare hadn't come true. After a few minutes of listening to her steady breath, which had the same soothing effect on him as when they were cuddling up in bed together, Chandler leaned over and stroked her cheek, wanting to touch her, almost as if he wanted reassurance that she was real. Monica's eyes fluttered open at his light touch.  
  
"Hi," he whispered, "Sorry, I didn't mean to wake you."  
  
"Its okay," she said smiling.  
  
"So, how are you feeling?" he asked.  
  
"Sore, I think the painkillers they gave me are starting to wear off. But I'm glad you came," she said.  
  
"do you want me to go find the doctor?" he offered quickly.  
  
"Not right now. I just want you to be here with me," she said. He smiled. He wanted to be there with her too. "so how's Becky doing?"  
  
"Good, much better since she saw you. She's asleep," Chandler told her.  
  
"Good," Monica said. She yawned tiredly.  
  
"Mon, go back to sleep," he said smiling. "I really don't want you to stay awake on my account," he said.  
  
"Don't flatter yourself," she said, trying to stiffle another yawn.  
  
"Sorry," he grinned.  
  
"Chandler?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
"Thanks."  
  
"No problem," he said, although he wasn't really sure what she was thanking him for. She was looking very sleepily now, so he didn't want to ask her to explain.  
  
"Stay here a little while?" she asked.  
  
"Sure," he said. He would have done anyway, but it was nice to know she wanted him to. Becky would be fine on her own, she wouldn't wake up for another few hours, so he was okay to stay with Monica.  
  
He watched her while she slept. She looked just as peaceful as always, so long as he ignored her injuries. He had spent the whole day in hospital with her, and had learned to tune out the noise of her various machines. He smiled as she turned to face him, she sighed in her sleep. Chandler started to close his eyes himself and fall asleep.  
  
He was woken a little while later by a monotonous sound that at first he couldn't place. He opened his eyes slowly, and saw that it was Monica's respirator. He jumped to his feet, suddenly very wide awake. Chandler bent over her. She wasn't breathing. He ran out into the hallway, which was pretty empty, because it was the middle of the night.  
  
"Help me! Monica's stopped breathing," he screamed. Ross, who was still there, asleep in a chair, jumped up.  
  
"What?" he demanded.  
  
"Monica's dying!" he yelled.  
  
Several doctors and nurses had heard Chandler, and started to hurry down the corridor to Monica's room. They pushed past Chandler and Ross and started trying to revive Monica. Chandler and Ross stood in the hallway, they couldn't watch. Chandler turned to Ross, his eyes wide with fear. What if she died? Ross returned Chandler's panicked look.  
  
A few minutes later, a doctor came out. He saw Ross and Chandler and sighed.   
  
"Is she okay?" Chandler asked worriedly. The doctor shook his head sadly.  
  
"I'm very sorry. Mrs Burke died a few minutes ago," he said.  
  
"What? But she was okay? You said she was gonna be fine!" Ross said angrily.  
  
"We said we wouldn't know for sure until she had a brain scan," the doctor pointed out.  
  
"But she was awake, I talked to her?" Chandler said in a confused voice. He didn't understand what the doctor was saying. Monica couldn't be dead. Becky needed her. He needed her.  
  
"Things change very fast when people have the type of injuries Mrs Burke had," the doctor explained.  
  
"what about Becky? How do I tell a four year old that her Mom's dead?" Chandler demanded tearfully.  
  
"If you like, one of the nurses on the childrens' ward can tell her," the doctor offered.  
  
"No, that'd be even worse. I dont' want a stranger to tell her. I hate the thought of telling her, but I know it has to be me," Chandler said.  
  
"Oh, God, she's an orphan," Ross said. His mind conjured pictures of Becky as little orphan Annie. He supposed Phoebe was teachnically an orphan, and she tuend out okay, but Becky was so little.   
  
"She's got me," Chandler pointed out.  
  
"You're not her parent!" Ross snapped.  
  
"I'm the closest she's got!" Chandler remarked. "Monica obviously thought so too, since she asked me to look after Becky!"  
  
"Mrs Burke made you Rebecca's guadian?" the doctor asked.  
  
"Yeah. I dont' know if its official or anything, she only told me today. But she may have been thinking about it before," Chandler said.  
  
"If it isn't official, that may create some problems," the doctor said thoughtfully. "Are there any witnesses to Mrs Burke saying she wanted you to look after her daughter if anything happened to her?"  
  
"Not when she told me, but she told Ross that was what she wanted," chandler said.  
  
"Okay, well, do you want to see her?" the doctor asked. They both nodded.   
  
"Ross, can I see her first?" Chandler asked. Ross looked slightly annoyed, but nodded anyway. He hated having to accept that Monica had loved Chandler, even though he had abandoned her for five years. But he knew she would have wanted him to get over it and let Chandler back into his life again.  
  
Chandler went in. He felt so reminded of when he had been to see her right after she got out of surgery. Was that really only a few hours ago? It felt like so much had happened in one day, well, technically two, since it was now the early hours of the morning. But in twenty four hours, he had seen Monica and Amy get hit by a car, Amy die, Monica almost die, then come back to him, and now she was dead, and this time, there was no chance she would come back to him.  
  
"I'm going to miss you so much. I thought missing you was when I went to Ottawa, but I miss you more than that already, and you've barely been dead five minutes. I can't imagine living the rest of my life without you. You know, even during those five years when we were apart, I guess I thought that we'd end up together somewhere further down the line, like Ross and Rachel I guess. And I supposed I was right, because we did end up back together, but for such a short time. I wish we hadn't wasted those five years. Maybe then Becky and Amy would have been my children, not Richard's, but don't worry Mon, I don't hold any of the Richard stuff against you. I'm done being angry about it. I'm done even blaming myself. I know how stupid I was to leave, but I'd be even more stupid to keep thinking about it. I'm not sure really what I want to say to you. There's so much I missed, I guess we can never get those years back. Well, I mean we never could have, we certainly won't now. I suppose what I really want to say is, I love you. I never stopped loving you, when I left for Ottawa, when I was seeing other women. You were still the one. I think you always were, even before London. I guess all there is left is to say, I love you. I'll always love you. I'm gonna miss you so much. And goodbye Monica," Chander said, stroking her gently as he spoke. She was still warm. It was hard to believe she was actually dead. He bent over and placed a soft kiss on her forehead, then on her lips. "bye Mon," he said, then left the room. He was crying, but he barely noticed. "Your turn dude," he said to Ross, who was waiting outside. Chandler took the seat Ross had just vacated, put his head in his hands and cried.  
  
"Hi Mon. Um, I never thought I'd be the one saying goodbye to you. I don't know why, but I just assumed that because I'm older, I'd die first. I know its stupid, but thats just the way I figured it would be. Anyway, I know we fight a lot, even if we're friends. But I'm so glad I have you as a sister. I know most brothers and sisters aren't that close, and I'm happy we are, were," he corrected himself sadly. "Well, I love you lots, sis. Bye," Ross finished. He kissed her lightly on the cheek.  
  
He went back out to join Chandler. The two men sat in silence for a few minutes, not knowing what to say.  
  
"I can't believe she's gone," Chandler said finally.  
  
"Me neither," Ross said sadly.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
No cliffhanger again this time, to make up for killing Monica. Part 13 coming soon.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	13. Part 13

Coming Home (part 13)  
  
Chandler and Ross sat silently on the chairs outside Monica's room for a long tim. Chandler cried wiht his head in his hands. Ross stared into space, his hands shaking in his lap and his eyes shining with tears.   
  
"We should call the others," Ross said eventually.  
  
"Its the middle of the night," Chandler pointed out.  
  
"No, its ten to seven. Not to early to call them about Monica," Ross said, checking his watch.  
  
"You call them. I have to go see Becky," Chandler said sadly.  
  
"Okay. Are you sure you want to tell her yourself?" Ross asked. Chandler nodded. He had to be the one to tell Becky the bad news, especially if he was going to end up looking after her now.  
  
The two men rose, looking very tired. They had been at the hospital for a long time and were exhausted. But they knew they couldn't just go and sleep now. It was their responsibility to tell Becky and their friends. Ross walked off to fins a phone, looking at least twenty years older than he actually was. Chandler watched him go, then walked slowly to the children's ward.  
  
Becky was still sleeping peacefully. Her dark hair looked just like Monica's and Chandler knew Monica must have looked like Becky when she was a child. Becky was lying on her stomach, head turned to one side, her hands curled into loose fists either side of her head. Chandler sat down in the chair next to Becky's bed and watched her sleeping, just as he had watched her mother sleep just a few hours earlier.  
  
When she woke up about half an hour later, Becky was at first happy to see Chandler. She untangled herself from her blankets and scrambled into Chandler's arms. She sensed something was wrong. Chandler held her tightly, but she pulled away so she could study his face.  
  
"ChandleR?" she asked worriedly, sounding tragically old.  
  
"honey, I'm so sorry," he said.  
  
"What? Why?" Becky asked, confused. Chandler was crying. The only time Becky had ever seen a grown up cry was her Mom, right after her Dad died.  
  
"Mommy's dead sweethear. She died a little while ago, while you were sleeping. The doctors tried to save her, but they couldn't. I'm so sorry Becky," Chandler said, the shocked look on the child's face making him cry even more.  
  
"Mommy's dead?" Becky asked quietly. She couldn't believe it.  
  
"I'm afraid so," Chandler confirmed. Becky threw herself forward and hugged Chandler lightly, her little arms around his neck, crying against his chest. Chandler rested his chin on top of her head. He was crying to. He rocked the little girl gently, not even attempting to reassure her that everything would be okay, because he didn't believe it himself.  
  
A nurse came over to see why Becky was so upset, but when she saw Chandler she guessed something bad had happened, and left the two of them alone.  
  
Back in intensive care, Ross had called the others and they had just arrived. Rachel headed straight for Ross's arms, both to be comforted, and to comfort him. He hugged her and absent mindedly kissed the top of her head. Phoebe and joey looked like they hadn't really taken it in yet.  
  
They went in, one by one, to say goodbye to their friend. Phoebe went first, then Rachel, then joey. Ross decided not to go back in again because he didnt' feel up to saying goodbye a second time.  
  
After an hour, Chandler and Becky came to intensive care. Becky, still wearing her pjs, was in Chandler's arms, clutching him as if her life depended on it, like she had done right after the crash. Only this time, Chandler relished the warm weight of the little girl. For some reason, it seemed to make the whole thing seem much more real somehow.  
  
"She wants to see her Mommy," Chandler said tiredly. He knew he would have to take her in, she wouldn't agree to go with anyone else and there was no way he could expect her to go in alone, but he didnt' want to see Monica again. He had already said goodbye, he didn't want to have to go through that again. But Becky needed him to, so he would have to.  
  
"Are you sure you're okay to take her?" Rachel asked. Chandler nodded wearily.  
  
"I have to," he said simply.  
  
Chandler carried Becky into Monica's room. Monica lay on the bed, looking exactly the same as when he had been watching her sleep, just a few hours ago, except she wasn't sleeping. She was actually dead. Becky lifted her head and looked at her mother. Chandler saw her trying to grasp some sort of understanding of what was happening, but she was too little to really understand how Monica had been okay one minute and dead the next. Her father had been old, even Becky knew that. He had died because he was old. But her Mom was only thirty six. That seemed very old to a four year old, but Becky knew it wasn't really. She didn't understand why her mother had had to die.  
  
"Can I touch her?" Becky asked shyly. Chandler nodded.   
  
"Go ahead honey."  
  
He walked over and set Becky on her feet next to Monica's bed. He backed off, giving the child room to say goodbye without worying that he would overhear, but she grabbed his hand to keep him close. Chandler smiled sadly and stayed within arms reach of BEcky. The little girl touched her mother's face, a sad serious look on her own.  
  
"Dont' leave me Mommy," she said softly. Chandler stroked her hair soothingly. "I love you," Becky said. She kissed her mother's cheek, then turned to Chandler and hugged him tightly.  
  
"You ready to go?" he asked quietly. Becky nodded and held her arms up to be picked up. Chandler obliged and kissed the top of her head. The two of them left Monica's room. As he went out, Chandler held up a hand, as if he was saying goodbye when she was going to work, or the coffee house or something, and he would see her soon. Not like he would never see her again.  
  
"I love you Mon," he said softly, one last time.  
  
Chandler took Becky back to the children's ward, where he stayed with her, sitting on her bed with Becky in his lap as they both cried. Several nurses offered their sympathy and sad Chandler should feel free to leave Becky with them a little while longer, even though she was supposed to be allowed home that afternoon. But chandler said he wanted to stay with Becky and take her home that afternoon, as planned. IT hadn't taken long for him to decide it would be better to move into Monica's apartment with Becky than have her move in with him. But he was beginning to dread it. He wasnt' sure if he was up to being there, with all monica's things and all the memories of her, and even little Amy.  
  
While Chandler and Becky went home, the others elected to go their seperate ways, excpet for Ross who said he'd wait and deal with the legal stuff. Rachel offered to stay with him, but he told her to go home.  
  
Becky stayed very quiet during the car ride home. Chandler kept glancing over at her sitting in her car seat, staring out of the window. She wasn't crying, but she still looked very miserable. Chandler wanted to be able to cheer her up, but he felt just as depressed himself. He knew Becky must be feeling very scared and confused right now, despite the fact that she knew more about death than most kids her age. He knew he could never replace her parents, or even come close, but he hoped he woudl at least be able to make her feel a little safer and happier than she did right now,  
  
When they arrived at Monica's apartment, Becky's first move was straight into her mother's bedroom. Chandler deliberated about whether he should follow her, and eventually decided to leave her alone, at least for a little while.  
  
Chandler was exhausted. he had spent the last twenty four hours at the hospital with Monica, Amy and Becky, and had been awake for nearly all that time. But it wasn't just the fact that he had been awake for so long, it was because so much had happened. The last twenty four hours had felt like a huge horrible scary rollar coaster. One that he never wanted to ride ever again for as long as he lived. He lay on the couch and closed his eyes, thinking that he would just take a brief nap, but he ended up sleeping for several hours.  
  
He woke up feeling stiff and, for some reason, more tired than he had felt before. It took a few seconds for him to remember Becky, but when he did, he rushed into Monica's bedroom, praying Becky would still be there.  
  
"Great replacement for parents I make," he mumbled, opening the door. "Thank God!" he exclaimed when he saw Becky was still there. She was lying on what had been monica's side of the bed, her head turned away from him, long dark hair spread around her. Chandler could tell that when she was older, Becky would look a lot like Monica. He felt a little strange about that. He was glad he had Becky to in a way, keep something of monica alive, but he knew seeing her every day would be a painful reminder of the woman he had loved.  
  
Becky had been asleep, but not very deeply, because she woke up when Chandler came in. She had slept all night, so she wasn't as tired as Chandler, but even at four years old, she was beginning to think of sleep as a way of escaping.  
  
She remembered that when her Daddy had died, Mommy had put her to bed earlier even than Amy's normal bedtime, and had tried to let both kids sleep late in the mornings.   
  
Monica herself had actually slept very little, but she hated crying in front of the children, so she had tried to only cry when they were in bed. But she had often felt like she wanted to cry in the evenings, which Richard had always tried to make 'grown up time', although this was very hard when the kids were little, but he had always tried, and Monica had love dhim for that. She realised it was mostly selfish reasons that he did it, but she enjoyed it so she chose to overlook that. Monica had missed the evenings spent alone with her husband, even though they rarely did anything special. But since Chandler had come home, she had stopped crying every evening.  
  
"Hi becky," Chandler said softly. She turned over on her side to look at him and he saw her big blue eyes were wet with tears. "sorry if I woke you," he said.  
  
"I was dreaming of Mommy," Becky told him quietly.  
  
"Then I'm really sorry I woke you," he said. "I was asleep too. But I wish I'd dreamt about her." Becky smiled faintly.  
  
"Its okay," she said. "What were you dreaming about?"   
  
"I don't remember," Chandler said. He wasn't lying. If he had dreamt at all, he had no idea what about, but he thought he had been too tired to dream.  
  
"I'm hungry," Becky said changing the subject. Chandler went and picked her up off the bed. He carried her through into the kitchen, where he sat her on the counter while he heated some soup for up for her. Chandler didn't feel at all hungry himself, even though he hadn't eaten since yesterday, and it was now about five o'clock in the evening.  
  
"Chandler?" Becky asked while she ate. He was sat with her, but he wasnt' eating.  
  
"Yeah?" he asked.  
  
"Are you gonna look after me now?"  
  
"Yes. Mommy asked me to take care of you if anything happened to her, and thats exactly what I plan on doing," he promised. Becky smiled slightly.  
  
"Good," she said. "I miss Mommy and Daddy and Amy, but you're okay." Chandler smiled.  
  
"Thanks, you're pretty okay yourself," he returned the compliment.  
  
Monica and Amy were burried on the same day, four days after they died. for Cahndler that was the hardest part, because he kept having to explain to people he hadn't seen for six years why he had gone to Ottawa, why he had come back, and what had happened with him and Monica. But all Chandler wanted to do was say goodbye properly to Monica and Amy.  
  
Becky stayed by Chandler's side throughout the funerals, but she didnt' cry. She looked very sad, but she didnt' cry. Ross said she just didn't understand the concept of the funeral ceremony, but Chandler thought she just didn't like being with a load of strangers who were all fussing over her. He thought if it had just been a few people, who she knew, Becky probably would have felt more comfortable crying. He thought it might have been better for her that way, but he was glad for himself that she wasn't crying, because he was to upset himself to comfort her.  
  
Chandler did cry. He had been asked to make a speach, which he did with Becky in his arms, struggling to speak through the tears. When he sat down in his lap, Becky tried to wipe his tears away. That made him cry even more, because her gentle touch reminded him too much of Monica's and through his tears, Becky's face blurred into Monica's face.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED...  
  
Like it, hate it, think i should stop now? Whatever, just please review.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	14. Part 14

Coming Home (part 14)  
  
Another really old fic, but I'm in a fic writing mood and I don't have any new ideas. To sum up this one, Monica married Richard and had two little girls, Becky (aged 4) and Amy (aged 2). Chandler moved to Canda, but he came back when Richard died and C&M got back together. Then Monica and Amy got killed by a car crash and the last part was about the funneral. I do have an actual reason for this one taking so long though: I didn't know when to set it, the present or the future and when in the future. In the end I decided on the future. Becky is now 17.  
  
I still don't own these characters, except Becky and Amy.  
  
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Chandler sighed as he heard the front door slam. It was 2am on a Friday night and Becky was only just getting home. He knew that even though Becky could sleep till past noon on Saturday, he still had to be up early to go to work. But he had spent the last 13 years trying to learn how to sleep when he knew Becky was awake and he hadn't managed it yet. It was especially hard when she was clattering around in the kitchen.  
  
"Becky, go to bed already!" he shouted, knowing even as he spoke that she would either ignore him or shout back. She ignored him, except to slam the bathroom door as loudly as possible. Chandler sighed again.  
  
Thirteen years ago, when Monica and Amy had died, he was too grief stricken to think of anything except Becky. He had insisted that she live with him even though in Monica's will, it was Ross who she had named as Becky's guadian. But before she died, Monica had told Chandler and Ross that she wanted Chandler to take care of her surviving daughter. Ross had helped Chandler fight to keep Becky and still saw his neice regularly.  
  
However, when Becky was stomping round the apartment at 2am, Chandler almost found himself wishing she wasn't his responsibility. Almost. Chandler knew that he wouldn't really give up Becky for anything in the world. Even though she was still in her rebellious teenager phase and the thought of what she got up to until 2am was enough to make him want to lock her up in her bedroom until she was 80, he loved her as if she was his own daughter. She looked like Monica, so much so that sometimes it hurt to look at her because she reminded him so much of her mother.  
  
In the morning, as he dragged himself out of bad after less than five hours sleep, Chandler felt a childish impulse to be as loud as possible and yell at Becky. But he didn't. He was quiet and left her a note, as usual, telling her he'd be back late because he had a meeting.  
  
In the end the meeting was canceled and Chandler came home at around six pm, the same time he normally did when he wasn't held up. To his surprise, Becky was home. She was in her bedroom, which wasn't unusual, she tended not to venture out of it, especially since she had a TV/VCR in there. Then, to Chandler's horror, he heard moans and screams coming from Becky's room. He covered his ears, grabbed his keys and his jacket and ran out of the apartment, being careful to shut the door so she wouldn't know that he was home.  
  
Becky was having sex in there! Becky, his 17 year old 'daughter' was having sex with her boyfriend! Chandler had to cover his mouth; he felt sick just at the thought of it. She was too young to have sex! Although in Chandler's eyes, she would ALWAYS be too young to have sex, even when she was thirty, he would still consider her his little girl. Slowly the realization that this couldn't be her first time dawned on him. He had secretly known that for a few years now, she had been having sex. He had even once found a used pregnancy test in the bathroom trash, but since it had been negative, he hadnt' brought it up with her, and now he realized how stupid that was.  
  
Chandler stayed out until gone ten. He didn't want to risk coming home in case Becky and her boyfriend were still there, still doing things that made Chandler want to scream. When he did eventually come home, Becky was still in her bedroom, but she was silent, the only noise was the faint sound of her TV.  
  
"Hi Becks," he called tentatively.  
  
"Hi Chandler," she replied casually, having no idea Chandler didn't still think she was a virgin. For a while after Monica died, Becky had called Chandler 'Dad', but since she became a teenager, she had reverted to calling him Chandler. He hated it, because he had spent more years looking after her than anyone else, but it was still Richard that got to be 'Dad' and he was just 'Chandler'. It was something Becky had learned to use against Chandler when they fought, since he would stop dead and look devastated when she screamed that he wasn't her dad anyway.  
  
  
  
After that incident, Chandler was careful always to come home at the time he had told Becky he would. He didn't want to risk walking in on his daughter and her boyfriend again. He still hadn't discussed it with her, not knowing how to. It had been hard enough for Chandler to tell her the basics of sex, only to discover, much to his embarrasement, that she already knew. There was no way he could discuss her sex life with her.  
  
Becky and Chandler had once been very close, and he knew that just a few years earlier she would have realised how uncomfortable he was within a day or so. But now she barely noticed he was even there at all. Partly because she saw him even less than she usually did now that he was avoiding her, but also because when they were together, they were awkward in each other's company.  
  
That all changed when, two months later, Chandler came home after work to find Becky crying on the couch. He was as moved as if she was Monica and immediately wen over and hugged her tightly. Instead of jerking away as she usually did now, Becky collapsed in his arms, sobbed into his shirt and let him hold her as if she was a small child again.  
  
"Oh Becky, honey, what's the matter?" Chandler asked, gently rubbing her back.  
  
"I'm sorry Dad," she said through her tears. Chandler noted that she had gone back to calling him Dad, but didn't question her about it.  
  
"Why? What is it? Whatever it is, its ok, I won't be mad, I promise," he assured her. It was true. Just as he had found it impossible to be mad at Monica for more than a few seconds, Chandler couldn't be mad at her daughter either.  
  
"Don't say that till I tell you what it is," she said desparingly. Despite her attitude problem over the last few years, she really loved Chandler and appreciated all he'd done for her. She hated the thought that she was letting him down.  
  
"You're starting to scare me," Chandler said nervously.  
  
"Dad, I'm pregnant," she whispered and burried her face in his hands, to ashamed to look at him. Chandler was shocked. He couldn't' believe that Becky, who he still thought of as his little girl, was going to become a mother in a matter of months.  
  
"Oh my God," he said softly.  
  
"I'm so, so sorry," Becky said tearfully.  
  
"Oh honey, I'm not mad, honestly. Just, shocked I guess," Chandler said. He put a soothing hand on her back and she raised her head to look at him, her blue eyes, so like Monica's, overflowing with tears.  
  
"Really?" Becky asked, daring to hope.  
  
"No. I mean, its not exactly what I would call smart," he said, remembering that as a substitute parent he was supposed to encourage her to be sensible and that included safe sex. "I mean, they have birth control for a reason you know."  
  
"Dad, I'm not stupid! He used a condom, but it broke," Becky said defensively.  
  
"Ok, ok. Um, what do you want to do?" he asked.  
  
"If you're asking me to have an abortion, there't no WAY I could ever go through with it! I lost my mom, my dad, my sister, all before I was five years old! I will NOT lose my baby too!" Becky was almost screaming at him now.  
  
"Easy girl, easy," Chandler said soothingly. "I was only asking. I totally understand. And hey, you're not gonna lose me either. I'm gonna stand by you and help you however I can," he promised. Becky smiled gratefully.  
  
"thanks," she mumbled.  
  
"Who's the father?" he asked softly. Stupidly, he hoped it wasn' the guy he had overheard her having sex with.  
  
"A guy called Stephen. You don't know him," Becky said, calming down and attempting to wipe her eyes.  
  
"Oh. Did you tell him yet?" Becky shook her head. She looked ready to cry again. "You know what, do you even know for sure? You could be getting all worked up about nothing."  
  
"Dad, I'm not stupid, I took like four home pregnancy tests at Kim's house," Becky said. Kim was her best friend.  
  
"Well we'd better get it checked out at the doctors, just to be on the safe side," Chandler said. He was latching onto that, still vaguely hoping that Becky would turn out NOT to be pregnant after all.  
  
"Ok, ok," Becky said. She didn't hold onto the same hope as Chandler, but she was willing to play along. She didn't really want to be pregnant, she was only 17 after all but Becky knew that she was pregnant really.  
  
"Who else knows apart from me and Kim?" he asked.  
  
"No one, just you two."  
  
A week later, Chandler and Becky got home from her doctor's apointment. She was definitely pregnant and trying to deal with the still shocked look on Chandler's face. HE was taking this harder now than when she first told him.  
  
"Looks like you're gonna have to tell Stephen then," chandler said, practically spitting out the boys name.  
  
"He wont' care," Becky predicted.  
  
"I'll make him care," Chandler said threateningly.  
  
"Dad!" she said warningly.  
  
Becky was right. She had already broken up with Stephen, and he definitely was not happy at her coming back into his High School life and announcing she was pregnant. As Becky had known he would, Stephen simply claimed the baby wasn't his and refused to accept any responsibility for it. Becky wasn't really bothered, except it meant her baby would grow up never knowing its father.  
  
When she got home feeling tired and emotional, even though she told herself she didn't care, Becky was surprised to see her dad sat on the couch, tears running down his cheeks, staring at something he was holding in his lap. As she moved closer without Chandler even being aware she was there, Becky saw it was a picture of him and her Mom. It had been taken a long time ago, in Las Veags, although obviously, Becky didn't know that. She just saw how happy they both looked in the photo and the contrast with how sad Chandler looked now.  
  
"Hey," she said softly.  
  
"Oh, hi," Chandler said, stuffing the framed photo under a cushion and hurridly trying to wipe his eyes.  
  
"You ok?"  
  
"What? Yeah, I'm fine sweetie, you?"  
  
"Yeah. Um, I told Stephen and I was right, he doesn't want to know," Becky said, feeling stupid as tears welled up in her eyes. She went and sat next to Chandler on the couch and they hugged briefly.  
  
"Oh I'm so sorry Becks."  
  
"Its ok. I'll be fine on my own."  
  
"You won't be on your own. I told you I'd support you didn't I?"  
  
"Thanks."  
  
Chandler was true to his word, and six months later, Becky's bedroom (they lived in a two bedroom apartment) was full of stuffed toys, a crib, a changing table, baskets of baby clothes, a big box of diapers, and all the other accessories that babies need. The walls hadn't been repainted, since Becky liked the pale purple colour they currently were, but Chandler had struggled to put up a Winnie The Pooh border and a soft matching rug covered the floor.  
  
Becky had managed to gradute high school, even though by the time the Graduation ceremony rolled around she was four and a half months pregnant. The billowing robes hid her bump but her classmates still knew she was pregnant. But Becky managed to hold her head up high and ignored the sniggers as she collected her diploma.  
  
Chandler and Becky didn't stay for the after ceremony politeness and chatting to teachers. Becky looked tired, pregnancy was hard work, so Chandler steered her away to the car, helped her in and drove her home. He glanced over at the girl and saw that her eyes had closed and her hand rested on her stomach. He hated to wake her up when they got home, but he had to unless he wanted her to sleep in the car.  
  
"Congratulations sweetheart," he said, draping his arm around her shoulder and hugging her.  
  
Now that she was eight months pregnant, Becky slept restlessly. In the next room, Chandler also found it difficult to sleep. He often didn't' manage to fall asleep until the early hours of the morning. Which was why he mumbled incoherantly and struggled to fall back to sleep when he was woken at four am by someone shaking him.  
  
"Not now Mon, I'm tired. We'll have sex tomorrow," he muttered and rolled over.  
  
"DAD!" Becky said firmly and Chandler opened his eyes. "Dad, we have to get to the hospital." That woke him up alright, and Chandler bolted upright.  
  
"Oh my God, the baby, is it ok? Are you in labour? You're not supposed to have the baby for another month, oh God Becky, breath honey," he babbled.  
  
"Try taking your own advice, get dressed and we'll be fine," Becky said through gritted teeth. She started to leave the room, then doubled up as a contraction hit. Chandler jumped out of bed and hurried over to her. He couldn't believe this was happening now, it was too soon.  
  
Chandler never knew how he got them to the hospital. Becky was in so much pain, he wanted to cry everytime she screamed or cried out. In less than an hour, Becky was in a delivery room at the hospital and Chandler was next to her, wearing scrubs and holding her hand tightly. He refused to leave her even for a second. Becky looked up at the man she thought of as her father, even though he wasn't really, with scared eyes. Something didn't feel quite right, but having never done this before, she didn't know whether that was normal.  
  
Six hours later, it was obvious that it wasn't normal. Becky was losing a lot of blood. The midwife put up a screen and told Chandler to stay by Becky's head and hold her hand and comfort her, because she didn't want him to panic. Chandler wasn't worried until he noticed the room was full of doctors. Surely this wasn't routine, but he assumed it must just be because the baby was a month premature. He heard the medical staff discussing the possibility of a C-section in hushed tones and began to worry even more.  
  
It was just then that Becky screamed the loudest she had so far. The midwife told her to push and she did so, squeezing chandler's hand so hard he thought it would break, but he didn't care.  
  
"We have a head," one of the doctors announced in a grim voice.  
  
"Nearly there now honey," Chandler said stroking her cheek with the hand not clenched in Becky's deathlike grip. "You're being so brave and doing so well." Becky tried to smile but it looked more like a grimace.  
  
A few minutes later the baby was born. A baby girl with dark hair and big blue eyes, just like her Mom, and just like her Grandma. The nurses fussed over the baby, checking it was breathing (there was no doubt about that judging from the screams from the tiny girl), and cleaning her up a bit. Chandler kissed Becky's cheek then left her side for a minute to see his granddaughter.  
  
"Fuck!" he yelled when he caught a glimpse of the baby. She was covered in blood!  
  
"Mr Bing, calm down, the baby's absolutely fine. She'll have to go in an incubator for a few days, but that's just because she's so small, but she's gonna be fine," the doctor assured Chandler calmly.  
  
"How the hell can you say she's fine when she's covered in blood!?" Chandler demanded. Becky whimpered but she seemed very far away. Chandler's only concern right now was the tiny baby girl.  
  
"Your daughter," the doctor began seriously, beginning to explain the complications with the labour to Chandler, but all he heard was that it was Becky who was the one in danger. When he went back to hold her hand, it was obvious that she was weakening. Her breathing was shallow and too fast and her face had lost the flush of labour and was very pale.  
  
"Oh God, Becky, don't' leave me," he whispered, fresh tears falling down his face.  
  
Ten minutes later, she was dead. Chandler stood just outside the room, staring through the glass window in the door at her. She looked so peaceful, not dead at all, but he knew she was. He wanted to see the baby, and hold her, but right now he felt he should be here and keep a sort of watch over Becky.  
  
Later that night, after Becky's body was taken to the morgue, Chandler went to the baby unit and stood looking through another glass window at the baby. She had no first name on the board above her incubator, just 'Bing'. Becky had changed her name from Burke to Bing years ago and since Stephen wanted no involvement, the baby was a Bing.  
  
"What are we gonna call you then little one?" he asked through the glass.  
  
A nurse went in to check on all the babies and glanced up at Chandler. A few minutes later, he was allowed in and was even allowed to take the baby out of her incubator and hold her for a little while. The baby looked up at him with her gorgeous blue eyes and waved her hands.  
  
"How would you liked to be named after your grandma little one?" Chandler asked, rocking her gently. The baby yawned. "Hey, don't be like that, Monica's a beautiful name. A beautiful name for a beautiful little girl. And why not Amy for a middle name. Amy was your Mommy's sister you know, but she died a long time ago, just like grandma," Chandler told the baby. He sighed softly to himself. Why did all the women in his life have to die?  
  
TO BE CONTINUED…  
  
I know its not brilliant, but I wanted to tie up some loose ends with my old fics. Please review. I'll try and have the next part up in less time than this one took me, lol 


	15. Part 15

Coming Home (part 15)  
  
I'm determind that this won't take as long as the last part, because I REALLY wanna finish this series! Just a few things before the fic: 1. I don't own these characters, but I'm assuming you already know that. The song lyrics are by Paul McCartney 2. Thank you SO much to Rachel who left a really nice, long review to the last part, you made my day ( 3. Monica (Becky's daughter) is now 17  
  
"Monica Amy Bing." Chandler watched proudly as she stepped up to the stage to receive her High School Diploma. With her shoulder length black hair and blue eyes, she looked, especially from this distance, exactly like her mother and grandmother.  
  
While the principal called out the names of all the other graduates, Chandler allowed his mind to wander. It was seventeen and a half years since Becky died, and he still thought about her all the time. Not as much as he thought about Becky's mother though. She had been the love of his life, and he couldn't bear to think that he'd had her for such a short time. The fact that since she'd died, he'd spent his whole life with women who looked so much like her, made everything so much worse.  
  
After the ceremony, Monica bounced over to him and hugged him tightly. She thought of Chandler as her Dad, even though he was old enough to be her grandfather. He looked really old, she thought. Well, he was the wrong side of 65, she thought.  
  
"I'm so proud of you sweetie," he said, hugging her back.  
  
"Thanks," she said, smiling. "Um, do you mind if I go get pizza with some friends? We're all going out to celebrate."  
  
"Sure, have fun," Chandler said, sounding unusually tired. Monica narrowed her eyes at him.  
  
"Are you ok?"  
  
"What? Yeah, of course I am," he lied.  
  
"You sure? You look like you got something on your mind." Damn her, Chandler thought, she knew him too well, just like the woman she was named after had.  
  
"No, no, I'm fine. You go have fun with your friends," he said, smiling in what he hoped was a reassuring way. Monica smiled back at him.  
  
"Ok. I'll call if I'm not gonna be back tonight," she promised. Chandler tried not to sigh. She didn't stay out partying all night like Becky used to do, but he still felt like she was slipping away from him.  
  
He drove home, old songs playing on the radio. He was faintly surprised to hear what had been a song he knew Monica [A/N: dead Monica] had loved.  
  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you love me all the time  
  
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I love you  
  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you pulled me out of time  
  
And hung me on a line  
  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you  
  
Maybe I'm a man and maybe I'm a lonely man  
  
Who's in the middle of something  
  
That he doesn't really understand  
  
Maybe I'm a man  
  
and maybe you're the only woman who could ever help me  
  
Baby won't you help me understand  
  
Maybe I'm a man and maybe I'm a lonely man  
  
Who's in the middle of something  
  
That he doesn't really understand  
  
Maybe I'm a man  
  
and maybe you're the only woman who could ever help me  
  
Baby won't you help me understand  
  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you're with me all the time  
  
Maybe I'm afraid of the way I leave you  
  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way you help me sing my song  
  
You right me when I'm wrong  
  
Maybe I'm amazed at the way I really need you  
  
Maybe I'm a man and maybe I'm a lonely man  
  
Who's in the middle of something  
  
That he doesn't really understand  
  
Maybe I'm a man  
  
and maybe you're the only woman who could ever help me  
  
Baby won't you help me understand  
  
He missed her so much. It had been over thirty years, and he still missed her. At first, he hadn't dated women because Becky was so young and so sad, but then he realised he had no desire to date anyone other than the one who was dead.  
  
When he got home, Chandler went straight into his bedroom. At the back of his underwear drawer was a small photo album. Inside were all the pictures he had of his Monica, except one which he had given to her granddaughter.  
  
Flicking through the album filled him with memories. He didn't want them, they were too painful. Chandler tried to push them away, but he just couldn't. The one that seemed most stubborn, was that of the stupidest thing he ever did; leaving Monica because he'd thought she would chose Richard over him. He hated the fact that he had wasted so much precious time in Ottawa. Well he wasn't going to waste any more time.  
  
Chandler went into the bathroom and found as many bottles of pills as he could and carried them back to the bedroom. For some reason he didn't really know, he hid them under the pillow while he went to get the other things he needed. He found a bottle of vodka in a cupboard, and pulled a knife out of the kitchen drawer. He watched for a second as light flickered on the blade, then he blinked hard and went back into his bedroom.  
  
"I love you Mon," he whispered, and unscrewed the first pill bottle. Saying the name reminded him of the seventeen year old who would have to come home to find him dead. He stopped and decided to write her a note, explaining why he couldn't go on without his Monica anymore.  
  
Dear Monica  
  
I'm sorry to have to do this to you, especially on a day that should have been so happy for you. Its just that now you've graduated High School, I guess I feel like I've done my best for you, that I've done all I can do, and now its time to think about me. Oh, I'm not blaming you. Its just that ever since your grandma (I still have a hard time calling her that) died, I had to take care of your Mom, and then you, and in all that, I don't think I ever managed to really grieve for her. I loved your grandma, you know that. But you could never comprehend just how much I loved her, how much I still love her.  
  
I'm sorry honey, but I don't think I'd be able to cope once you go off to college, I'd have too much time alone to think and brood and wonder what it could have been like if she hadn't died, if we were still married and happy. I'm not happy Monica.  
  
All my love  
  
Chandler Bing  
  
xxxx  
  
Monica came home, laughing, waved goodbye to her friends and went into the apartment. Silence greeted her, but that wasn't so unusual. Lately, Chandler had hardly been watching any TV, he said it was all too young for him. She wondered why he hadn't started dinner, but then, she hadn't told him when she'd be coming home.  
  
"Dad?" she called into the quiet apartment, "Dad, I'm home!"  
  
Silence.  
  
"dad?" she called again, a little scared now.  
  
She knocked on his bedroom door, and when there was no answer, she pushed it open. Monica screamed. Chandler was lying on the bed, face down, bottles of pills surrounding him and an empty bottle of vodka in one hand. A bloodstained knife was on the floor next to the bed, and the sheets were soaked with Chandler's blood. A note addressed to her was on the bedside table.  
  
Daring to step closer to his lifeless body, to make sure he really was dead and to see if there was anything she could do for him, Monica saw that clutched tightly in chandler's hand was an old photograph of her grandmother.  
  
THE END  
  
Ok, its kinda short, but this is the ending I've wanted to do ever since I began this series! Only Chandler was originally going to kill himself after Becky graduated High School. Hope you enjoyed it, despite the long wait ;) please leave a review, thanks. And I am aware that this last chapter sucks, but I'm having major writers block issues, and I knew if I didn't write it now, I'd never get around to it. 


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